Why is it when I think things are finally going to slow down…when I think that the universe is going to give me a break…it shifts. Yes, it takes a turn and sends me into a physical and emotional tailspin of more change. Doesn’t the universe know that I am not good with change? Doesn’t it know that I never was good with change? Doesn’t it know that at fiftysomething it’s really hard to change?
Frankly, I don’t think the universe cares what I think about change. I don’t think it cares one bit how I react to change. I don’t think it worries that I get scared when I face uncertainties. I think the universe throws more change my way because it has decided that my little ‘i’ at the end of my name is going to stay straight up despite all the changes that it throws my way. From the left or the right, from the front or the back, from the top or the bottom, I think the universe knows that my little ‘i’ will be just fine.
– My son will go off to college in the big city in September. He likely (hopefully) won’t come home as much on the weekends. I will miss him. But, I will be fine.
– Two of my BFF at work will retire next week. Life on the job just won’t be the same without them. I will miss them. But, I will be fine.
– My house needs a new roof and despite the fact that I procrastinated all these months, the nice roofing contractor that I just hired promised he will call by the end of the month to set a date to install my new red-toned roof. Sooooooo, I will continue to have a sturdy roof over my head this winter. I will be fine.
“You should think about selling your house and moving to a smaller place,” said my girlfriend L (and a few of my other friends and relatives echoed her sentiments). “Your house is too much work and expense for you now,” she added.
“What? Move from my wonderful, fabulous, marvelous ranch house that I love? How can I make such a change?” I said to myself as I started to get scared of more changes in my life.
“You may find a townhouse that is even more wonderful, fabulous, and marvelous,” said L, “won’t that be nice?”
I may. I can. I likely will. I will be fine.
Perhaps the universe keeps sending winds of change my way to remind me that no matter what year, week, day, hour, it is, I must begin to lay the foundation for the possibilities of more change in my life. Yes, I’m going to be scared, change is going to be hard, but I am confident that I will be okay.
As the Torah says,
“Life is a narrow bridge and the main thing is not to be afraid.”
However, I may have to break down and get myself a life vest, just in case I fall off the bridge into the water. I’m not that good a swimmer. But, with a life vest, I will be just fine.