Fall started last week. I can tell the fall season is here. The leaves are falling. Yes, the leaves are falling all over my lawn. The squirrels are climbing on my trees and chewing up the acorns and the branches of the trees are falling too. The branches are falling all over my lawn too.
I used to run out and pick up all the leaves and branches, but this year I’m too busy getting my house ready for fall. I have my new roof, my new heater. Soon I will have my new garage door and garage door opener. And the foundation work will eventually be fixed as well. And then I’ll fix the deck after the contractors pull up the deck boards when they reinforce the foundation in the back wall.
Maybe once I finish investing the rest of what seems like half my savings into my house, it will be time to move on. Yes, maybe once I accomplish the other 13 – 20 items on the ‘before I sell my house list’ it will be time to move on…to move on and move out and really start the next phase of my fiftysomething life.
Am I scared to move on? Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no, no. (I count three yes’s and four no’s. The no’s win.)
Am I ready to move on? No,no,no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. (I count three no’s and five yes’s. The yes’s win.)
“But you can’t move now?” said my son. “You don’t want to move now,” said my daughter. “It’s not a good time to move now,” said my mom, “the housing market is depressed.” (Sounds like three ‘no’ votes to me?)
Can I empower myself and make it happen? Yes, yes, yes, yes. No,no. Yes, yes, yes. No, no. (Let’s see. That’s seven yes’s and four no’s. The yes’s win again.)
What will it take for me to empower myself and make it happen? A little push? No, no, no. (Three no’s this time. Uh, oh.)
A BIG SHOVE? Yes, yes, yes. (Three yes’s. Shoving it is.)
Can I let go of the smell that lingers in my late husband’s closet? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. (Three yes’s and two no’s. The yes’s win.)
“It’s almost two years since your husband passed away,” said a friend, “It’s time to let go and get ready for the next phase of your life.” (Another ‘yes.’)
I did some fall cleaning last week. I cleaned out the last few clothes that have been hanging in my late husband’s closet…the clothes that I wasn’t ready to give away two years ago. (Okay, I left a few old Yankee tees to give to my son…and possibly my grandson if I ever have one. And I will be sure to pack them away when I eventually pack up the rest of my boxes for a potential move.)
It’s fall and the leaves are falling and I’m getting closer to getting ready to move on to the next phase of my life. I even went online last night and took a peek at some townhouses. I found one that had a BIG JACUZZI BATHTUB. Ooh, ahh, ooh, ahh. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. (I count five yes’s and two oohs, and two ahhs.)
Sounds to me like I’m getting pretty close to moving ahead? But, songwriter Phyllis Molinary’s words say it best:
“I had my share, I drank my fill
And even though I’m satisfied, I’m hungry still
To see what’s down another road, beyond a hill
And do it all again”
Do you know what? My favorite Barbara just recorded this song for her new album. OMG. Take a listen, I think she is singing “Here’s to Life” to me. Oh, Barbara even though you did not invite me to the Village Vanguard the other night to hear you sing, I forgive you and I will still buy your new album because I just LOVE this song.