“I don’t believe in therapy anymore, I just go get a blow dry at the hairdresser” said the writer Delia Ephron at the Pennsylvania Governor’s Conference for Women held at the Convention Center last week in Philadelphia. Delia spoke at a session titled “Finding The Courage To Choose A Different Path.”
She had so many great words of wisdom, I couldn’t write them all down fast enough. While I still go to therapy, I agree with Delia, there is nothing like a good blow dry or a fabulous haircut or a perfect set of highlights to cheer me up when I’m down. Hair is the most important accessory that we wear every day. (Eyeglasses are a very important accessory for me too since I need them to see. A great pair of eyeglasses can cheer me up, but it is a much more expensive investment than hair.)
Delia talked about her early aspirations to be a writer, about both her parents who were screenwriters. She said her mother told her and her sister (the late Nora Ephron) that “you must become writers.” She left her first husband when she was nearing 30 to move to NYC to become a writer. She wrote a book on crocheting and then sold a piece to the NY Times about how to eat chocolate pudding. The rest is history. (I used to crochet afghans back in the 70s and early 80s too and I loved chocolate pudding when I was a child.)
“Worrying is negative goal-setting,” says Delia. (But I’m a worrywart. I have to practice my mindfulness and not worry about the future so much. I was worried about my son last night when he told me that he didn’t have any heat in his bedroom in the NYC apartment where he and his roommates pay thousands of dollars rent. Will he be warm enough this winter? “Don’t worry mom, I’ll get a portable heater,” said my son D.)
So what are the tricks to stop worrying?
– Wear boots: Delia was wearing cool black boots. “Boots make you feel stronger, more confident,” she says. (I have several pairs of boots, but I couldn’t resist the Arturo Chiang At-Averly ankle boots in Truffle Waxy Goat at the Lord & Taylor Biggest Boot Sale this week. They looked great with jeans and were 25% off — if you buy two pairs of boots you get 30% off each pair so hurry to your local L&T or go online and pick out some boots. I did feel hip and strong when I put them on my feet.
– Get hair blow-outs: “It will make you look fantastic,” Delia says. (Ditto from the previous paragraph. You already know how I feel about this – worry-free.)
– Buy a lipstick: “Look good,” Delia says. (I went to buy the Lancome lipstick that the makeup artist used on my makeover last week. I wanted to buy the Juicy Tubes in Coral Rush and the Lipstick in Rouge in Love 106M, but the makeup counter was all sold out. I was so disappointed, especially since I wasn’t worried about spending the $25.00 for a new lipstick and then they didn’t even have it in stock.)
– Channel your girlfriends: Delia says, “Girlfriends enrich our lives. They look at the world differently.” She says to channel a girlfriend who may do something that you can’t do. (I’m so lucky I have several wonderful girlfriends to channel. They know who they are.)
Delia says that “In our lives, in order to change, you have to get in the cage with the lion. You have to roar.” She added that “Women are brilliant at reinventing themselves. After a certain point in your life, you know what you are good at.” Delia said one of her best traits is that she is “relentless.” She asked us to ask ourselves “What is your best trait?” (Hmm, hmm, hmm – am I relentless too? Am I strong? Am I caring? What’s best?)
Delia challenged us to “take yourself seriously, invest in yourself.” I was inspired to hear that Delia started writing novels at 47 and moved from California to NYC to start another chapter during her third act. (Does that mean that I can become a writer during my third act? I guess so if I take myself seriously. Wait, wait, wait. I already am a writer…seriously!)
“In the end, all we have is ‘process.’ If you are not doing it and liking it, then you shouldn’t be doing it,” says Delia. “You never know where something is leading you.”
Thanks Delia for your great advice. I’m definitely going to add your new novel, “The Lion Is In,” to my reading list.
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