Last month, I was invited by SHE Media Collective Flow Space to attend “An Evening with Brooke Shields in Celebration of Her New Memoir.” While I wasn’t able to attend live in New York City, the SHE Media team shared a tape of the event.
During the hour-long interview with Samantha Skey, CEO of SHE Media, Brooke reflected on her early years as a child actor and model, her family life and being a mom to daughters Rowan and Grier, and her new memoir Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old: Thoughts on Aging as a Women. It was interesting to hear her take on getting older as she approaches her 60th birthday.
Brooke Shields, Samantha Skey at the Flow Space presents An Evening with Brooke Shields event at PMC Studios in New York City, New York (Photo Courtesy of SHE Media)
Brooke Shields Shares “Thoughts on Aging as a Woman” in New Memoir – Here are excerpts from the interview
Q: Why did you write the book?
Brooke: “The initial reason for writing the book was because I started my own company called Commence. It is a platform for women and the community grew and out of it we were asked to solve specific problems. Haircare was one of the important problems that was on the minds of women over 40. In talking to women I realized there was a real need for this.
So at age 58 I find myself as a CEO. It was such an extraordinary learning curve for me. My agents were saying why don’t you write a book about it. I didn’t know if there was enough for a book. So I thought I will use my story as a jumping off point to understand the research.
When does a woman’s confidence peak? How is it different? What actually is going on with her scalp and her body. There is a joy in realizing you’ve gotten this far and wanting to do more.
So the book became that idea – let’s really talk to women in this 40+ group and look at how we’re treated and how we’re looked at by the beauty industry, by advertisers, by marketing, and not just in my industry, which is in entertainment. I was shocked by the little representation.
I was at a cocktail party with my daughter. She wanted me to meet the parents at this event. I was talking to the owner of the house and I made the horrible misstep of telling him my age. I was thinking a 1960s bottle of wine – was it like jam at this stage. He went from being nice to saying you really shouldn’t have told me that. I was shocked. I thought wow you know my age and now it’s offensive.
Brooke Shields new memoir is about aging as a woman
I went back to my agent and thought would they let me use this title (Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old) and they loved it.
There was this feeling of we get overlooked. You’re either the hot girl at the bar or you’re in Depends.
I feel better now than in my twenties. There is so much more I want to learn.”
Q: In the book you talk about women in midlife coming into their own. You say: “We’re empowered, confident, we are running shit.” That’s a great quote.
Brooke: “There is a certain power we come into. Can we flip the narrative. It doesn’t have to be angry. It can be celebratory and help you see yourself as your friends see you.”
Q: You called yourself a people pleaser. How do you mitigate all that feedback?
Brooke: “I have to readjust often. Because when you start not getting the gaze — your currency in your own mind tends to get a little tricky. How do I not think less of myself but how do I still get it when I want it?”
Q: How did you deal with the male venture capitalists?
Brooke: “We were asking for funding and one person immediately told us what we were doing wrong and how it wasn’t going to work. I just had enough. I said please excuse me but I’m going to say something and I must respect myself in this moment. Also, I didn’t ask for your advice, I just want your money. If you don’t want to give me your money why would I waste anymore of your time?
This has been empowering for me. Not everybody is going to like you.
It’s only been in business that I’ve had so much to learn. I really felt like I was back at school. I have to remind myself and let it go. It’s just your ego getting in the way. When you can step back and see that it’s okay.”
Q: Tell me about friendships.
Brooke: “Female friendships have changed. There are some I’ve gotten to re-know. They knew me in college or high school and some friendships you grow out of or they grow out of you. My friendships have gotten fewer and more necessary. Not obligatory. We’re all equally insecure about it. When you see it all play out. It’s okay. We all get insecure. Nobody has it figured out. You have to be really honest.
Honesty with compassion is what I value most in friends. Not bluntness.
Brooke talked about giving tough feedback to a friend…
Brooke: “I’m always very careful to give advice because you never really know how to walk through what someone else is going through. I have some friends who say ‘I’m going to be your tough love friend.’ I’ve worked on myself so maybe I don’t need tough love, maybe I just want to be listened to.
Female friendships are so important. And it’s okay if they all don’t know each other or like each other. They all serve a different part of my psyche.
For my 60th, I’m going to do something special with experiences that I really want to have and celebrate the year.”
Q Let’s talk about your advocacy work. I didn’t know what postpartum depression was before Brooke Shields. You wrote a brilliant op-ed in The New York Times. You changed laws in New Jersey. How do you decide to take personal and bring it into the main stage?
(Note: Brooke is also the author of Down Came the Rain: My Journey Through Postpartum Depression.)
Brooke: “The first two books I wrote about postpartum depression and my mom’s dying. I felt like I needed to get my voice out there. With postpartum, I was so destroyed by it, fear and guilt and all of it. I had an agent and he said I really need to write this book. Each book came out of an event in my life. I just try to be really honest about what I’ve lived through. Not give advice but share what I’ve experienced.
Brooke Shields answered Qs about her new memoir as well as two other books she wrote (Photo Courtesy of SHE Media)
Q: You’ve had strokes and broken bones.
Brooke: “That’s why when I write books I’ve usually learned something the hard way. I wish there had been this information given to me instead of being overlooked. You have to be able to not be ashamed to ask questions.”
Q: When you were interviewing Katie Couric on your podcast you asked her if anyone had intimidated her. Is there anyone you’ve ever interviewed or met that is nervous making?
Brooke: “I am such a fan of actors and actresses. I loved movies, so when it came time to meeting actresses or actors I was star struck. Just recently I had the opportunity to act opposite talent like Glenn Close and Naomi Watts, who are really going to bring my game up.
All of my life I’ve had a precarious relationship with my talent. I was the pretty one. I started the day I was really pushing. So, I went to the bathroom to regroup and I went back out. I’m making this too complicated. I needed a nod of approval from Glenn Close. To be 59 and feel that is amazing.
Recently, Jane Fonda called me. She asked me to go to dinner. I was gob smacked. I was in awe of this woman’s experience. She said I don’t think you’ve touched on your talent yet. It was so interesting to go from a little girl who didn’t think she was talented to go to an actress who is recognized at this age.
Brooke encouraged attendees when doubting themselves to: “Get out of your own way. You will answer that negative question with other negative questions.”
Q: What do you want in the future?
Brooke: “I’ve been saying yes to things I want to say yes to. I’ve also said no to things I don’t want to put myself through right now.
Q: What would be a great biopic?
Brooke: “So many people have wanted me to play my mother. There was a fabulousness to my mother Terry but the depth of love is always fascinating to me in mothers. I used to read a book in hardcover and call my agent and say that’s the part I want to do. And he would say the one Reese Witherspoon just did.”
(Note: Brooke wrote a book about her mother too: There Was a Little Girl: The Real Story of My Mother and Me.)
Q: What about TV?
Brooke: “I’m addicted to “Hacks.” I like dark humor. I’m ready to have my own show again.”
Q: What are you scared of doing? Is there anything?
Brooke: “All the things I was scared to do like surfing I had to do. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’d love to do more Broadway. The nets wider. Some days I’ll be in a media-centric way. And I like that.”
Q: Where do you find flow space?
Brooke: “Comedy and dance. There is something that happens and it’s an out of body experience. I’m trying to find my voice. I’m trying to find that flow space within your vocal chords. You’re in this era of your life, it’s vulnerable.”
About Flow Space
Flow Space is a community for midlife women. As it’s website says, it’s a place to “Explore your whole life health with expert interviews, stories from real people, health innovations, research, products, and fun recommendations.” To subscribe to its newsletters click here.
