“Happy anniversary,” I said to my boyfriend L yesterday. “I am so glad you didn’t walk out the back door of Starbucks when I walked in to meet you six years ago.”
“I can’t believe it’s been six years,” replied L. “Time flies when you’re having fun.
Entering The World of Online Dating After 50
Widowed at 50, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I ventured into dating after 24 years of marriage. I was older and wiser, but totally new to the world of online courtship. I had met my husband M through a personal ad in the Village Voice back in 1982, so finding a match on JDate in 2009 wasn’t all that different — except now you could see people’s pictures.
L had a full head of gray hair (√), wasn’t wearing any polyester (√√√√), was a former New Yorker like me (√√), and grew up in the Bronx also like me (√√√).
There was a comfort level, lots of camaraderie, and laughter that we shared in the early days getting to know each other. It was fun to have a companion and partner after more than 18 months of being alone.
“Would I ever want to marry again?” I often thought to myself during the first years of our relationship. “Would I ever want to live with my boyfriend L during my life after 50?” – was another popular Q. The answer was usually “maybe” as I saw other friends happily remarry after widowhood or a later-in-life divorce.
My boyfriend L and I are still together after our first-ever international trip.
Why Having A Boyfriend Post 50 Is The Best
Now as we celebrate our six years together, I no longer desire a diamond ring or wedding band on my finger. Nor do I wish for a housemate. I love dating after 50 and having a boyfriend at this age and love being in a grownup “L.A.T. – Living Apart Together” relationship. It’s the best. Here’s why:
♥ I get to sleep together and alone. Some nights when I crave a warm hug he’s there and when I don’t, he’s not.
♥ I can cook dinner for L when we’re together and he can use his microwave and takeout on days we’re apart. And I don’t have to feel guilty.
♥ I look forward to spending time with L during weeknights and on weekends. I get excited to see L on our date nights. Maybe because we don’t see each other every day.
♥ L and I don’t argue over finances. What’s mine is mine, and what’s his is his. We’re committed to each other — just not financially.
♥ L and I don’t argue over the kids either. What’s mine is mine and what’s his is his. Thankfully, both my daughter A and my son D like L and his sons like me too.
♥ Each of us has been single for a long time (L a lot longer than me). Our styles and habits are part of who we are. I have no desire to change him and I don’t want him to want to change me.
♥ L buys flowers, anniversary presents, and the most heartwarming cards for me. He may not always know how to express his adoration verbally — not many men do — but he sure knows how to find the perfect printed words to show he cares.
My boyfriend L picks the perfect cards for every occasion.
Lucky to Have Each Other
Listen to the text in the anniversary card he gave to me: “We’re So Good Together. I like that we’re best friends, and that we can talk about anything. I like this wonderful life we’re building, and that we can always count on each other. I like who we are together. And I love you.”
The love note in my birthday card in January was even better: “I don’t know exactly where our journey’s going to take us or what might happen along the way. But I do know who we’ll be when we get there…two cute little old people — still holding hands, still making each other laugh, still totally in love.”
I always remind my boyfriend L how lucky he is to have found me. But really I’m lucky too. Heh L, can’t wait to hold hands this summer and be those “two cute little old people” walking on the beach. Please remember to pack your flip flops!
Judi
Hi Judi,
Congrats on your 6th anniversary. Nice to hear that you’re happy and thriving!
I am a baby boomer, empty-nester and I’m also from the Bronx! Just launched a new blog, AgingOrganic. Your blog is delightful and I welcome the opportunity for you to guest blog on my site or conversely I’m available to write a post if you’re ever in need.
Best wishes,
SistuhMoon
Sister Moon, thanks for your comment. I’ll check out your blog.
He’s a keeper, Judi! Hold on tight!
Thanks Val. I think I will keep him.
Reader M said: Just wanted to say I enjoyed your blog about dating, and congratulations on your 6-year anniversary. I’m glad you’ve found happiness after the sadness.
Congrats! I”m 65 and I too have a boyfriend of over 9 years altho we do live together. It’s wonderful. But I would like a more grown up word than boyfriend, partner or significant other. Any ideas???
Diane, I agree. There needs to be a better word than boyfriend. I struggled with the word for a long time and finally gave in.
Hi Judy, Love you blog articles!
I am recently divorced and not ready for a relationship right now but your article covered a lot of key points that makes me think about maybe trying again. BTW, I am from the Bronx too! All the best!
Renee, give it a try when you are ready. It took me about 18 months to feel comfortable dating after I lost my husband. I needed to go through the grieving process, as I’m sure you do after a divorce.
Reader R said: “Happy Anniversary to a “lovely” couple. And he does write wonderful cards!!”
Reader S said: “I love this post! It’s so sweet and I’m so happy for you both”
Reader M said: “You are blessed — and you do a lot to make sure good things happen in your life.”
Reader A said: “I want to add to your list. Sometimes C cooks for me. He is someone to travel with and have fun with, but leaves me time for my girlfriends.”