As I sit here at my desk today, for what will be the last time I will write from my home of the past 12 years, there are so many emotions swirling around in my mind.  This week, I am moving to a new home, a townhome in a new town nearby.  I am right-sizing, as I like to say to my friends, not down-sizing.

I am sad to be leaving the home where I spent almost half of my married life raising my children through their elementary and teenage years.  I have all the memories stowed away in the 50+ boxes and crates I have packed during the past few weeks. 

All of my son D’s trophies will be moving with us to my new townhome.  As will the hundreds or likely thousands of family photos (before digital existed) of son D and daughter A. D and A and I chuckled several times as we packed the many envelopes filled with photos.   I had to look at them all before I packed them away for moving day:

– D in his first Halloween costume (he was such a cute bumblebee);
– A at her kindergarten graduation (she even wore a cap and gown at age 5);
– D playing soccer and lacrosse (he gave away the lacrosse helmet, but packed the stick for the move);
– A taking her first gymnastic class and playing basketball (no more team sports, now she goes to the NYC gym to exercise);
– D at his high school prom and on graduation day (that was one of the most rewarding days of my life…and he wasn’t wearing diapers, as my pediatrician had assured me during the early days when I never thought he would potty train);
– A at her college graduation (I was equally proud of her accomplishments as she prepared to start her career in finance).

Then there are all the family photos from when we took our summer vacations.  We went fun places as a family.  Each November, we would go to Florida to visit grandma P and then take our standard excursion to the parks in DisneyWorld or Universal.  There are also photos from our summer trips to fun spots in California – Santa Monica, Lake Tahoe, and our last trip as a family to San Diego.  The picture of the four of us in the courtyard of the San Diego Del Coronado Hotel will always be one of my favorites.  It was taken the year before my late husband took ill. 

So many memories are packed up in these 50+ boxes that will move with me to my new townhome later this week.  I am happy to be moving.  After three years of being on my own, I am ready to move on to a new home of my own.  At times it feels like it did when I was in my early 20s, when I was young and single and didn’t have anything holding me back.  The world was my oyster, as the famous phrase goes.  It was mine to conquer, to grow, to learn, to try new things.

Now, as I approach my third year of being a widow, I am striking out again.  I am older and wiser and the world is once again my oyster.  It is time to conquer, to grow, to learn and to try new things.

Tomorrow, I will lock the door on the past 12 years of my life, but I’m keeping all the photos as a reminder of those wonderful years. 

“You are making a courageous move,” said doctor F at my therapy session last week.  “You should be proud of yourself.” 

I never thought of myself as courageous, but I do feel a sense of pride in all that I have accomplished during the past three years and pleased with the courageous changes I have made.  I feel like I’m ready to light some fireworks, put some new sparkle in this next phase of my life.  Ooh, ooh, ooh, I think it’s time to sing a verse or two of Katy Perry’s new song “Firework.”  It describes the other emotion that is bottle up inside me at this moment. 

Sing a few verses with me, after all, you, my readers are the reason I can feel this way. Thank you for supporting me through this courageous move and all the courageous changes that came along with it the past three years.  I’ll be in touch in 2011…or maybe before if my cable guy shows up like he is supposed to.  For now, sing with me, sing with me….

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again


Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in


Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you


You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own


You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Lightening bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July


Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y


Baby you’re a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

Judi