I attended the BlogHer 11 Conference in San Diego this past weekend. I left the conference pumped by all the fantastic female bloggers I met. I left the conference energized by all the motivational and educational sessions I attended.
There are so many things I want to share with you that I heard and that I learned. And I will. But, first I’m going to detour and report on my trip home. You see, I decided to leave on Saturday night and take the red eye to Philadelphia. I thought if I slept for four hours on the flight that it would be better to get home early Sunday morning. Little did I know that sleep was not included in my itinerary.
Caution: If you do not like potty humor, you may want to stop here.
Oh, you do, you say. Great. Then listen and laugh along with me. Or cry, as you think about my four hours of pure insanity…
I should have known that I was in for trouble when I arrived at the gate and realized that I left my neck pillow in my suitcase. Okay, I thought, I’ll suffer through and try to sleep without my pillow.
I boarded the plane at 10:00 p.m. PT. All was fine until I got to my aisle seat 21D (Remember that number and letter, write it down, stick it on a sticky note, put it in your brain.) and found that it was opposite the bathroom in the middle of the plane. I knew then and there that I was in for a wild ride.
I, being the good girl I am, went to the potty before I got on the plane. My mom always said to go potty before I went to sleep. Didn’t your parents always tell you to go potty before you went to sleep? Did any of the other travelers listen to their parents? No, no, no. Absolutely not. Why would they care that I got any sleep? I was potty perfect and ready for nappy land and they were not.
Instead, the march began about 10 minutes after take-off:
– One by one each entered the potty;
– One by one the light went on and off as the door opened and closed;
– One by one each flushed with a loud whosh;
– One by one each put his/her right hand on the top of my seat to remind me he/she was there.
I tried to close my eyes. I listened to my yoga music on my iPod. I read my Yoga Journal magazine (I knew this magazine would come in handy. So glad I subscribed to this journal. Little did I know that it would save my life one day. The meditation chants helped calm me during my wild and crazy ride.)
Oh, yes, I must not forget to tell you that the woman sitting next to me on the plane in the middle seat weighed about 250+ pounds. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say, except that she took up almost all of my seat as well and when she took off her sweatshirt she was wearing a strapless dress. Need I say more?)
Finally, the lights went down low and all was quiet.
“I’m really, really, sorry,” said the woman seated in the window seat in my row, “but, I have to go to the bathroom.” (SMH, SMH, SMH – for those who may not know that code it stands for ‘shaking my head.’)
“Okay, you better get in line before the next group gets there before you,” I said as I stood up to let her through.
Finally, I sat back down and all was quiet.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” said a young girl to the flight attendant. And then it started all over again. An onslaught of pottygoers.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw myself in front of the bathroom doors. I wanted to yell like Peter Finch in the movie Network, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.” (I almost went into the bathroom and clogged up the toilet with toilet paper, but my yoga chants held me back.)
“We’re landing, prepare the cabin for landing,” said the pilot as the clock struck 6:00 a.m. ET.
“OMG, OMG, OMG” I said to my neighbor, “I cannot believe it is time to land.” I was half delirious from lack of sleep.
If by some slight chance there is ever a next time…not that there will ever be a next time for me on a red eye flight in seat 21D…but if there ever, ever is…I’m going to bring a copy of that children’s book, “Go The F**k to Sleep,” and read it to all my flight-mates before they get on the plane.
P.S. – Stay tuned for more exciting posts about my wonderful experience at BlogHer 11, including a recap of the Boomer Blogger session I led and all the boomer girls and guys who attended, coverage of Jesse Weiner’s keynote during Pathfinder Day, Sarah Brokaw’s tips from her book “Fortytude: Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life…through the 40s,50s, and Beyond,” and a whole lot more. Coming soon.