Soon it will be summer and I haven’t even “geared up” for the spring fashion season yet.  I need to back track on my InStyle and Vogue magazines and see what I need to buy…or pull out of my closet from years past when the same fashion trends were trendy.

According to the InStyle trendsetters, here’s what I should be wearing (and you should too, if you want to be a trendy boomer woman):

Animal prints: I remember wearing animal prints a few years ago.  Styles always return, that’s why I do save my accessories.  I would like to get a trendy cheetah print skirt, a-lined so it is more form fitting for my 50+ body.  I also have a few leopard print scarves that I can pull out of my closet.  Ah yes, and I have a leopard print bracelet too.  It is so old, but luckily I never threw it out.

Leather: Leather is in style for spring.  With the temperature already hitting over 80 degrees and my hot flashes starting to kick in, I don’t know that leather pants or a leather jacket is the best thing to wear.  What were these trendsetters thinking?  Oh, wait.  I know. I know. If I do wear leather pants in this hot weather I will definitely sweat off some excess pounds and be ready for this summer’s bathing suit season.

Prairie: Prairie prints are trendy.  I’m not much of a cowgirl and don’t really care for the prairie look.  I think I’ll have to skip the plaid shirts.  My daughter A was wearing a plaid shirt when I saw her the other weekend.  She is so trendy.  I think this trend will have to stay with my younger girlfriends.

Ruffles: I’m not much for ruffles either.  However, I did buy a purple dress with some ruffles around the neckline.  They were tiny ruffles.  I don’t consider myself a ruffle-type person.  Plain and simple round necks are more my style.

Rocker: Hmm, biker vests and studded tops?  Metal grommets and spiked flats?  Chunky rings too. No, no, no…not for me.

No wonder I was so frustrated this morning when I opened my closet and had nothing to wear – the spring trends are working against me.

Hold on.  Wait.  I just turned another page in my April InStyle issue.  There are a few more trends from Fashion Director Cindy Weber Cleary.  Thank you Cindy! Cindy says that “the season’s new looks have a kind of classic appeal.”  I think I like Cindy’s advice better than the previous recommendations. 

Let’s see what Cindy suggests for a trendy spring wardrobe:

Polka dots: I love polka dots.  I would love to get a pair of espadrilles with polka dot fabric.Cindy says to “put the spots where you want the spotlight.”  She says to “watch how you wear polka dots to avoid the clown factor.” 

Shorts: No, no, no.  No more shorts on this body, unless I am on the beach and using them as a beach coverup.  Bermuda shorts are the shortest shorts I will wear and I prefer capris. Glad Cindy agrees.  She says that “if you are young, wear shorts wherever you want to.  But, if you are older, wear them to the pool or on the patio but not to town – or out on the town.” 

Draping: I think a nicely draped top or dress is so elegant.  Cindy says that draping is “all about the body and graceful carriage.”

Pearls: Cindy says “even a single pearl makes a statement, but it should be a big one, like drop earrings.”  I do like classic pearls.  I will have to go hunting for the perfect pearl earrings this spring.

Wait, there’s more about accessories for the apring season:

Bright wedges: I have an few pair of wedges, but they are quite uncomfortable on my 50+ feet and I cannot fit my arch inserts into my wedges.  I think I am going to have to stick with my less tendy Easy Spirit sandals for my aging feet.  They are so much more comfortable.

Two-Tone Frames: I need to wear prescription sunglasses, so doubt I will go out and purchase a trendy pair this spring.

Lace-Up Heels:  Ha, ha, ha.  Have you seen the heels on some of the lace-up shoes?  How am I (or anyone else 50+) supposed to walk in those heels?

Boho Clutches: I do not have any boho print bags in my closet.  May have to get a boho.

–  Summer Boots: Now why exactly would I want to wear boots during the summer?  I’m not going to wear prairie shirts anyway, so I guess there is no need for me to get a pair of summer boots to go with them.

Grecian Sandals: Isn’t this an old trend?  I seem to remember that Grecian sandals were in style last summer.  I didn’t buy a pair then and I don’t know if I will buy a pair this summer. 

Doctor Bags: Am I going to have to break down and buy a Louis Vuitton. No, no, no.  Maybe my daughter A will let me take her Louis Vuitton doctor bag out one spring or summer weekend.

“Layered chains, ornate earrings, tusks and teeth” are the InStyle editors trendy picks for this spring’s jewelry wearers.

Wait there’s more trends from my 528 page April issue of Vogue: minimalism, military, romantic, clamorous colors, primitive prints, funky accessories, armloads of beads, feathers and blossoms.

What’s that you say?  April is over and so is May.  These trends are not longer trendy. OMG!  I missed an entire season. I better get to my June mags which just arrived a week ago.  I don’t want to be two seasons behind come September.