Tomorrow I will say good-bye to my mom. She passed away this week. She was 91 years old and lived a very full life. But I am sad. Selfishly, I wanted her to live forever…or at least as long as I lived so I could remain a kid without admitting to adulthood.
While I have lots of other BFFs, my mom was definitely my oldest and best BFF. Listening, caring, inspiring, sharing, encouraging and always loving – she was there for me – in good times and bad times.
“What’s up with you? How are the kids?” she asked during what would become our last conversation. “Have you found another job yet?” she questioned, knowing that I am about to retire from my 30+ year career in communications next month.
“I’m retiring mom and I hope to take some time off to relax,” I replied. “Oh, I know you. You won’t be relaxing for too long,” she said. She was right, I have a bucket list a mile long for my second act. She was always right. She knew me well.
How do I pay tribute to a mom who filled my life with so much passion?
I will always remember our summers at the beach – Long Beach, New York – when my sister N and I were growing up. Building sand castles near the water, her dark Bain de Soleil tans, the fireworks on the Fourth of July – she loved summers in Long Beach and so did I. Just a few years ago, when I was preparing to purchase my ‘condo on the corner’ at the Jersey shore, shortly after losing my husband, she was my biggest supporter. Her words of wisdom gave me the courage to take such a big step on my own. “Go for it,” she said. “You’ll enjoy it.” She was right. She was always right. She knew me well.
How do I pay tribute to a mom who instilled a sense of curiosity in my world and a love of education?
She saved all the letters from my college days at Cornell — those were the days before computers and cell phones existed – yes, children actually wrote letters to their parents. Each one said, “I’m leaving. I can’t handle the pressure.” Time went on, four years passed, and I graduated. “You see. You did it,” she said proudly as I walked in my cap and gown to receive my diploma. “I knew you could do it.” She was right. She was always right. She knew me well.
How do I pay tribute to a mom who was smart and well-read?
My mom could finish the crossword puzzle from the Sunday New York Times Magazine. She would work on the puzzle all week and if she missed one or two words, she would check the answers in the following week’s issue. As for reading, even into her 80s and 90s, she was up-to-date on the latest books, oftentimes recommending good reads from the bestseller list before I had a chance to read them. She was a writer too. When we cleaned out her condo, we found all the poems she had written as a young woman. She was a good writer and she was smart, really smart.
How do I pay tribute to a mom who had style and grace?
When I was young I used to play dress up and put on my mom’s pointed toe shoes. She had pointed toe shoes in every color – green satin, pink satin, blue satin, black patent leather – all buried below in boxes in her bedroom closet. Growing up in our small apartment in the Bronx, I so loved to go on our Saturday walks to Fordham Road. On the Grand Concourse was Alexander’s and farther down the street was Loehmann’s. My mom was a fashionista and made me (and my sister N) a fashionista too. (I will miss buying clothes for you mom. But don’t worry – I have made fashionistas of your granddaughter A and your grandson D. And they will carry on the tradition with my future grandchildren. I’ll make sure of that. Yes, I will.)
How do I pay tribute to a mom who brought up her two daughters to be strong leaders?
My sister N and I grew up to be successful women because we had an incredible role model for a mom. A Girl Scout leader, a community activist, a working mom, a dutiful daughter, a caring sister and a compassionate wife, even when my dad took ill in his 50s and 60s – my mom took care and rarely complained. She counseled my sister N and I on how to be good moms to our children too.
How do I pay tribute to a mom who knew how to pick good friends and cherish them?
She lived the Girl Scout motto, “Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” Up until this week, she maintained nearly weekly conversations with her BFF D, who had moved all the way to Portland, Oregon. They had been friends since grade school. But my mom was also good at making new friends. She was the ultimate networker, “the talk of the town” as she told my sister when she returned to her residence this past week. Everyone knew my mom. “She was such a sweet lady,” said her residence manager N.
My mom was an independent woman up until two years ago. She lived alone, but was resourceful in finding ways to manage – her cooking, her doctors’ appointments, her cleaning. But then she took ill, and my sister N and I knew that she needed more help. Change is difficult for anyone, but we convinced her that it was best for her wellbeing to no longer live by herself.
Again, being the resourceful person that she was, my mom found an assisted living residence that she heard was good. When N and I made the arrangements for her new apartment, which included a roommate S, I felt just like I did when I was sending my kids off to college. Her stay included room and board, showers three times a week, exercise classes, a library, weekly shows and monthly trips. “Will mom survive this big change?” my sister N and I wondered.
Well, well, well – what do you think? Yes? Or no?
I know you guessed correctly. My mom not only survived, she thrived in her new environment. Yes, at 89, 90 and up until the past two months when she took ill, she thrived. We even had to limit her activity fees and her hairdresser appointments. “Mom, slow down,” N and I would say, “We don’t go to the hairdresser as much as you do or have as many mani and pedi treatments.” (We did want her to enjoy herself and looking good is an important part of that – so it was a fine line to draw.)
I’m wearing my pearls today in honor of my mom whose name was Pearl. According to Wikipedia, “The ideal pearl is perfectly round and smooth. The finest quality natural pearls have been highly valued as gemstones and objects of beauty for many centuries, and because of this, the word pearl has become a metaphor for something very rare, fine, admirable, and valuable.”
My mom had all those attributes and more. She was a true gem of a mom and a gem of a person. My world will be forever bright because of her. Her love will always shine with me, as will the memories.
I will miss you…love you mom.
Judi
I am in tears. What a lovely tribute.
Pat, thank you for your note. I’m glad you enjoyed the tribute. It means a lot to me.
What a fine and wonderful life your mom led — and bequeathed to you and your sister! This is a remarkable tribute, and brings to life your dear mother for all of us know. How you must miss her already.
Maybe someday you will post some of her lovely poems….
Tara, thanks for your kind words. Yes, I hope to share her poems. Maybe I will do a special post for Mother’s Day. Stay tuned.
Judi:
What a beautiful tribute to an extraordinary woman! I am so sad that she has finished this journey, but so touched that she leaves you with such a legacy. May you be comforted with the mourners of Jerusalem.
Cindele, thank you for your regards. You helped me through the grieving process with my husband and I have good guidance from you to help me again through another loss.
Oh Judi – I’m so very sorry. I know you and your mom were close, and though those trips to Flor-ee-da were a lot of work, you cherished every moment. I love the pictures here; she had a fabulous smile! I never met your mom, but through you, I feel as if I have known her for years, and it was a shock to learn she’s gone. I’m sure your mom will be watching over you as you venture into retirement, a new and better chapter – a best-seller she’s been reading — and helping write — as it happened for 50+ years. 🙂
Lisa, you are a true friend. Yes, Flo-Ree-da trips will never be the same. I will always have the good memories.
Beauitful Tribute. We honor our Mothers by being the people they raised us to be and living a full life. y Mom passed 3 years ago at 84, we did everything together and were BFF my entire life. I miss her every minute . You learn in time to go on as they would have wanted for you. Prayers foryou and your Mom during this difficul time of griveing. Blessings Lexie
Lexie, sounds like you are handling your loss and cherishing the memories of your mom. Thanks for your support.
What a beautiful tribute. I loved the picture of the 3 of you. She had such a sparkle. How lucky you are to have had such a good role model.
Thanks Laura. This picture was taken at the NY Botanical Gardens when we were young.
Judi, I am so sorry for your loss. What a brilliant tribute to your mother. Hopefully, she knew all through your life how you felt!
Seeing her photo, I was reminded of my mom who would have been the same age as your mom. I lost her when I was 29. I hope you will have a lifetime of wonderful memories and advice from your mom. Best to you.
Allison, so sorry to hear that you lost your mom at such a young age. Yes, I will cherish all the good memories.
My condolences to you and your family.
Lovely tribute, Judy. After reading this, I feel as if I know your Mom. I wish I would have been blessed to have her in my life.
Connie, so glad my tribute was a joy to read. Thanks for your support.
Long-time reader delurking to tell you what a moving tribute this was to you mom and to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I have a mom like your’s – she is 80 and still going strong. I dread the day I have to say goodbye. Best to you and your family during this difficult time.
Kym, thanks for reading my blog and for your kind words. Enjoy those days with your mom. Everyone is a gift.
I’m so sorry to hear of your mom’s passing. What a great legacy she leaves. My Mom has been gone 14 years and I’m amazed at how often I wish I could tell talk to her. I pray that your memories and love of her bring you comfort.
Char, thanks for your comment. I already have things I want to tell my mom. Will have to reach out and keep those memories alive.
Pearl sounds like an amazing woman and your words are a beautiful tribute. Big hugs, Judi!
Thanks for your hugs and support.
I am sorry to hear about your mother’s passing, she sounds like a wonderful lady.
Zachary, thanks for your note. My mom was a fantastic mentor.
Hi Judi,
So sorry to hear about your Mom. I have enjoyed reading about your trips to Florida in the last few years so I know you spent some lovely moments (some hilariously documented) with her. Loss is loss plain and simple and I am sorry for yours – thinking of you.
Myrna, thanks for your kind words. I’v been missing my mom every day. I appreciate the support of my readers.
So sorry for your loss…. how lucky you were to have her for so long…. how wonderful it must have been for her to have such a marvelous daughter. You are all truly blessed.
a/b
Asleigh, you are such a supportive part of my community. Thank you for your kind words about my mom.
I missed this post and am sorry to hear about your mom’s death. You wrote such a lovely, moving tribute that I feel as though I knew your mother…who could ask for more to be so loved by family. Thinking of you…
Nancy, thanks so much for your note. I think of my mom every day.
Judy, What a truly beautiful tribute to your mom.
Since I have discovered your blog yesterday I have been reading posts last night and this morning. I’ve enjoyed reading your delightful Florida posts! I can identify with them since my mom has been down there for more than twenty years.
It’s now two years later and I had hoped that she would still be doing well. I’m so sorry to read about her passing.
Thanks Diane for your kind words. I miss my mom every day.