I’ve been reading all about aging lately. The New York Times had two recent articles about facing up to aging faces. But, what about aging legs? What should a fifty-something female do about aging legs when she has to get all dressed up?
I hardly ever buy dresses. I find it very difficult to find a dress that fits well. Either the dress makes me look too matronly or too immature. It either cuts me at the waist or cuts me at the hip. Most dresses I try on are two low cut at the neckline, especially since I have and always will have no cleavage. (Unless I decide at fifty-something to get breast implants. No, no, no, never, never, never.)
I have a business dinner to attend next week and decided to purchase a new dress. I headed to Loehmann’s after receiving my special Loehmann’s Insider shopper discount that was about to expire. (Do you know loeh*mann*om*ics is a word and it means value-conscious knowledge that you can buy the best designer clothes at huge discount savings?)
I found a pretty deep purple colored dress with cap sleeves and a round neckline that is covered with tiny ruffles. I couldn’t believe it was a size 2 and it fit me. (Note to self: Better not eat too much this week or I won’t fit into the pretty purple dress I just bought.) Since I was practicing loeh*mann*om*ics, I bought earrings and a bracelet to match too.
But, then, but then, but then, I thought — I’m going to be all dressed up, but how shall I cover my legs and what shall I put on my feet?
Thankfully, I pulled out a pair of Anne Klein black silk slingbacks that I had bought years ago with my friend M. (I always buy more than I need when I shop with M. She is such an encouraging shopper.) I never wore these slingbacks. They were quite uncomfortable shoes. However, I was so glad I had decided to keep them in the back corner of my closet instead of donating them to Goodwill during my spring closet cleanup last year. I tried them on with my new purple dress and they looked fab. Okay, okay, I cried, “Judi, you can deal with the pain in your big toes for a few hours to make your feet look fab.”
Now that my feet were taken care of, next on the ‘to take care of list’ were my fifty-something legs. How do I cover up my ugly knees and how do I cover up my spider veins?
Do I wear stockings or do I not wear stockings?
If I wear stockings, what color stockings should I wear? Black or beige, nude or white? Definitely control-top. Or maybe even a Spanx to cover my middle-aged middle.
“What should I do with my legs?” I said to my sixty-something sister-in-law I. She is quite a fashionista and does attend a lot of formal events, so I knew I had called the right person.
“All the young women these days are going out without stockings,” I said to I. It’s like they are doing the European look. But, can I do that? At my age, can I go without stockings to a formal event?”
“No,” said my sister-in-law I. “At our age, we must cover up.”
“Okay,” I replied, “but what color stockings should I wear?”
“Nude,” she said. “It will look just like you aren’t wearing stockings, but your legs will look good.”
“Okay,” I replied, “I will cover my legs.”
Now that the knees and legs were taken care of, I felt a sigh of relief.
Yes, I am one of those fifty-something women, who is mourning ugly knees and veiny legs. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone, as I read in today’s New York Times article on Appreciating Your Value as You Age. According to the article, Dr. Vivian Diller and Dr. Jill Muir-Sukenick, the authors of a new book called “Face It,” say that no matter how stellar their accomplishments – that it’s not superficial to admit that aging is upsetting. They encourage their readers to figure out what’s driving them to have daydreams about a refined face-lift rather than scheduling one.”
I do not daydream about a refined face-lift. Nope, I don’t want any refined face-lift. What would I do with all my anti-aging wrinkle creams? However, if I could lift my middle-aged middle and fix those legs and knees…I might just start daydreaming again.
I dont' know why fashionistas denigrate pantyhose–it's like spanx for your legs and apparently no celebrity goes to the oscars without spanx. I think nude hose is like putting makeup on your legs and I wouldn't go out without them. I think my legs are worse than yours anyway.
Love your humor in this post! All the things we think about now when getting dressed are things we never considered when we were younger.