Retiring Early: What I Learned In My First Six Months

Posted on January 23, 2013 by Judi

This week, I am pleased to present a guest post from a fellow boomer girl and one of my blog readers. Her name is Moira and she recently retired. Moira’s words of wisdom about the wonderful discoveries and exciting explorations during this special time in her life have helped ease my Type A jitters as I begin to think about my own early retirement. Yes, I will be leaving my corporate career this spring. There are so many new opportunities to experience. I can’t wait. Thank you Moira for sharing your inspiring story:

Moira Donoghue

I am 60 and I am enjoying my seventh fire of the winter – sitting in a comfortable chair, accompanied by a good book, a glass of sherry and a warm and gentle kitten by my side. Why is it significant that this is my seventh fire of the winter? And that I just restocked my firewood supply for the first time in years? For me, enjoying this many long evenings in front of a fire, just half way through the winter, is one of the symbols of what I have learned in my first few months as a retired woman.

I retired in May from a 36-year professional career. It was a career that brought great satisfaction, time with amazing people and interesting travel. But it was a career that also brought a deep weariness and a nagging frustration that my life had narrowed. There was never enough time to read in front of my fireplace or even buy firewood.

Moira enjoys time by the fireplace with her kitten.

Writing this guest post has forced me to clarify my thoughts about retirement. Here’s what I’ve learned in this short time:

Deciding to retire is one decision; how to “be retired” is an entirely different one. Deciding to retire is all about finances, shedding a work persona, and saying goodbye to colleagues. I was unable to get to the decision to retire until I put on hold the decisions about how I would spend my time after retirement. For me, deciding to retire needed its own focus. Realizing I had confused two distinct decisions got me unstuck and I was able to give the decision to retire the full attention it deserved.

I needed a period of transition to understand how to “be retired”. When I started talking about retirement, some friends advised not to retire without knowing exactly how I would spend my time. “Don’t fall off that cliff”, they warned. Others said I wouldn’t know what I wanted to do until I was retired – which turned out to be true for me. I needed time to disconnect. To meet new people. To test out new interests, some lurking for years on the sidelines. To sleep late and take naps. To let my mind wander. To “Google” every thread of interest I could uncover to see where it led. (In fact, that’s how I found Judi’s blog). Such time for exploration isn’t right for everyone but it was right for me. I am now settling into some choices, which feel good because I took the time to explore.

The real joy of retirement is the luxury of time. My sweetest lesson has been that retirement is really about having the time to do exactly what I want to do and when I want to do it. I can’t overstate how important this point is. I am making the choices that give me the great happiness because they truly are my first choices.

I still possess a valuable collection of skills. All this exploration over the last few months has also shown me that the skills I developed over my worklife can be put to valuable use in new and sometimes unexpected ways. To help others. To learn. To have fun. It was real work to separate from my work persona, but I see now that I have not lost any of my skills just because I stopped working. Funny that it took me awhile to understand that.

Negative thoughts happen; they just do. Do I really have enough in savings? Why have I started thinking of myself as “old”? If I am not working, am I still valuable? Why am I calling retirement my “final chapter”? Will I be bored? Apologies for the drama, but these are real fears that creep into my thoughts at the oddest times. For a few months, they were pretty unsettling. I finally just decided they aren’t useful so I trained myself to dismiss them when they creep in. And they do. They are part – a small part – of the big change I am still experiencing.

So with the benefit of several months of self-reflection, I now find myself more comfortable than ever about my decision to retire and how to “be retired.” I am happier here in my first year of retirement than I ever expected to be. When the time is right for you, I wish you all the same joy, and ultimately, clarity.

I hope you enjoyed Moira’s guest post. Let me know if you have a story about your life after 50 that you would like to share with fellow boomer girls. Would you like to write a guest post? Send along a note or leave a comment.

Judi

Mastering Master Class

Posted on July 18, 2012 by Judi

When the publicist for “Master Class: Living Longer, Stronger, and Happier” sent an advance copy of Peter Spiers’ new book to me, I knew it would jump to the top of my pile. After reading the first few chapters, I was hooked. ”I want to be a Master during this next phase of my life,” I said to myself. ”What does it take to master the Master Way of Life?”

Spiers is Senior Vice President of Road Scholar, formerly known as Elderhostel, the world’s largest nonprofit organization dedicated to lifelong learning and educational travel. Much of his book is based on research and feedback from past travel participants. Elderhostel changed its brand name a few years ago when they realized that for Baby Boomers the world “elder” is no longer acceptable. (Much agree with the name change. Ooh, ooh, ooh, soon I will be of the age to participate in Road Scholar trips — can’t wait.)

According to Spiers, the four key dimensions of the Master Way of Life are socializing, moving, thinking, and creating. Many who are Masters gravitate to activities that combine a few of these dimensions like gardening, participating in book clubs, volunteering, walking with friends for exercise, maintaining a website or blog (me, me, me, meee!) or other activities.

Spiers says: “For everyone, no matter what the specific trigger, this stage starts when something causes you to look up and see that you’ve been running at full speed, often out of an admirable obligation to care for someone else, and to realize that it’s time to take care of yourself for a change.” (Hmm, hmm, this is starting to sound like someone I know. Ah, yes, this sounds like me, me, me, meee! I do hear that small voice in the back of my head. It is planting new dreams and reawakening old ones. It is starting to scream pretty loud.)

Spiers says that “the more you make of this stage of your life, the longer it can last.” He says that “true Masters – are still going strong in this life stage in their eighties and even nineties.” (I think my mother who is 90 is definitely a true Master. You go girl. Yes, you keep going and I’m going to follow. And so is my sister N.)

Spiers says that “this life stage can last 30 or even 40 years, making it for some extraordinary people the longest, happiest, and most enriching and satisfying period in their lives.” (Wow-o-wow, I am so excited to become a Master.)

Spiers provides a step-by-step guide with exercises, charts and activities to become your own Master. He also provides life lessons from those who are already mastering Master Class. As part of this blog post, Spiers offered to share one of his own life lessons. Here’s his story:

“My childhood friend Kevin and I reconnected through Facebook; we hadn’t been in touch since the day in 1972 when we graduated from high school. Despite the gap of time we soon discovered a shared passion—running. Kevin was more dedicated, tracking his distance and pace with a GPS watch and posting his runs to a website called RunKeeper. I was more casual, running 10 or 12 miles each week to Kevin’s 20 or more and keeping no records. Kevin’s approach inspired me; at the end of 2011 we formed a goal together to run 2,012 miles in 2012. I got a GPS watch for Christmas and launched into the quest on New Year’s Day.

Things went well through April. The winter was mild in the Northeast, my favorite dirt trail stayed blessedly clear of snow, and I consistently reached my goal of 84 miles each month. (I’d even lost eight pounds since the Holidays!) With a few days left until the first third of the year ended my total mileage stood at 324, 12 miles short of where I needed to be at April’s end to stay on pace. I ran nine miles on Sunday, April 29^th, and needed only three more on Monday.

Five years ago I began to experience intermittent pain in my left knee which my sports doctor diagnosed as arthritis. The pain came and went and, even when it came, it was tolerable. I adjusted, cutting exercises like squats and lunges from my gym workouts, and not climbing stairs two at a time. But I kept running, racking up around 600 miles each year and doing some five- and 10-kilometer races. A thousand miles in a year didn’t seem like a big stretch, though I guess I knew in the back of my mind that a collision with fate might result.

So I ran my long weekend run on Sunday, April 29^th, and the next day, despite long habit, I didn’t take the day off. After work that Monday, the last day of April, I ran an easy three miles; reaching the milestone—running those last three miles to push myself through the checkpoint—seemed more important than resting.

The next day, May 1^st, I got out of bed and knew immediately something was wrong. My knee felt stiff, my range of motion limited. All day the pain gathered; by late afternoon I felt like a giant had put one hand on my thigh, another on my calf and twisted the two parts of my leg in opposite directions. I swallowed some ibuprofen, made an appointment with my knee doctor, and waited.

Within days the pain began to subside, but I knew better than to risk running for a while. I swam a bit and, after a week or ten days, tentatively ventured out to walk a few miles at a medium clip. A week later I started running again, taking it short and slow. On the last Sunday in May I ran five miles, and on the first Sunday in June—just two days before my doctor’s appointment—I ran seven.

The next day I was again in a lot of pain; I could have scripted my doctor’s appointment. We compared x-rays from five years ago with new ones and the incremental wear on my knee was obvious. It wasn’t anything catastrophic—just a steady grinding, another notch or two ratcheted toward never running again.

Don’t stop running, the doctor told me. Just not so far and so often. Reality had finally caught me, slamming right into my thousand-mile dream.

I’m fifty-seven. It’s getting harder for me to hear conversations in a noisy bar or restaurant. My shoulder sometimes aches, thanks to tendonitis and a couple of long-ago bicycling accidents. And now my left knee was sending a message I couldn’t ignore.

Despite these inevitable signs of aging, I’m not throwing in the towel. Physical fitness is too important, not only in combating everything from heart disease to diabetes, but for cognitive health, too. Our culture separates mind and body, forgetting that the brain is just another organ, dependent on a healthy cardio-vascular system to provide it with oxygen and sugar.

I’ll adjust and find another, lower-impact form of exercise to obsess about. As a teenager I swam competitively and, though I don’t cycle as much as I used to, my Cannondale is still hanging in the garage. And the doctor didn’t say I couldn’t run at all, so… triathlon, anyone?

I hope Peter Spier’s story inspires you to think differently about how you want to Master your own journey during your life after 50. Let me know what you plan to do. Share a comment or two.

Judi

A Peek Into The Future With Ford

Posted on July 11, 2012 by Judi

I recently attended the Go Further With Ford Trend Conference sponsored by The Ford Motor Company in Dearborn, Michigan. This was the second year I was invited. (Wonder if they spoke to my astrologer from several years ago who said that I stay ahead of the trends? Or maybe they invited me because I’m just such a trendy boomer girl who likes to keep her boomer girlfriends up-to-date on all the trends.)

What’s that? You want to know all that I learned at Ford. Here’s a peek into the future:

Urbanization: Sheryl Connelly, Ford’s Head of Global Trends Future, said that by 2050 there will be a global population of nine billion. Plus, that population is aging, both here in the USA and also in emerging markets that are not ready for it. Sheryl said that by 2050 more people will be over 60. Mobility is going to be an issue around the world, that’s one of the reasons that Ford is interested in this trend. (Ooh, how old will I be by then? Let me do the math. Ah, if I’m still ticking I’ll be 92. And if I am still ticking or even if I’m in heaven, I may still be driving because Ford is going to add technology that may allow my car to virtually drive on its own with driver alerts, traffic jam and park assists, lane departure warnings and a whole lot more.)

Carol Coletta, a specialist in developing cities and creative communities also spoke about the growth of cities. Carol said that the average homebuyer today is paying more for a house with a higher walkscore and if there is good transit, they’ll pay even more. While millennials like city life, so do many baby boomers who often move back into the city when they become empty-nesters. According to Carol, cities underpin the economy and offer more variety, discovery, and opportunity. (Hmm, hmm, hmm, after hearing Carol talk all about the benefits of city living I was tempted to go to walkscore.com to check the scores of my home.)

Streamline & Simplification: As Parrish Hanna, Global Director of Human Machine Interface for Ford said, this trend is all about what German Painter Hans Hofmann refers to as “the ability to eliminate the unnecessary, so the necessary can speak.” With so much technology available now, we’re connected all the time. Parrish said that over 40 percent of those who are always tuned in really desire a slower lifestyle and want to de-clutter and prioritize what is most important. (Amen, I second that philosophy. Between my emails, my iPad, iPhone, iHome and Macbook, my TV remote, my cable remote, my DVD remote, my DVR buttons, I always feel like I am on overdrive. It’s like “The Busy Trap” that Tim Kreider wrote about last week in the New York Times.) Not to worry, in the future, there will be voice activated driver wellness right on the steering wheel – to sync my smartphone, check my heart rate, and sense my breathing patterns. The good thing is that Ford is testing these simplification systems on older drivers to ensure that they work on all generations.

Age of Accessible Design: Since I consider myself a fashionista, this trend was one of my favorites. That’s because it is about style and seduction. It’s about the desire for products and services that work and that also have good design. Guess who I met at this session? Do you see who is in the picture with moi? Yes, it is Christian Siriano, the youngest winner and fan favorite of Bravo’s “Project Runway.” (I was very impressed with Christian and want to follow him on Twitter @csiriano. He shares his design process so if you are a fashionista like me you may want to follow him too.)

Eco-Psychology: I saved the best trend for last. That’s because DO YOU KNOW WHO I MET? Yes, I am shouting. DO YOU SEE WHO TOOK A PICTURE WITH MOI? Yes, it is Adrian Grenier from Entourage. Yes, he is as gorgeous in real life as he is on TV. (All the female bloggers sat in the front row for this session.) Adrian is doing some really cool stuff that is aligned with this trend on his new website called SHFT. Eco-psychology is about an awareness of health and well-being and the relationship with nature and how we heal our bodies and ourselves with nature. This trend is about the butterfly effect, about how each one of us can make small changes now to improve the environment, that will impact big changes in the future. I think when I purchase my next car I may look at a hybrid model. By then, my new car my be able to find the location of a nearby charging station, track my CO2 emissions and plan the most efficient driving routes for all my trips.

My post would not be complete without highlighting some of the interesting bloggers I met during the conference. Check them out. Some are boomers and some are mommies. Some write about entertainment and some write about travel and technology.

Elise’s Ramblings by Elise Crane Derby

MidLifeBloggers by Jane Gassner

GeekGirlfriends by Christina Tynan-Wood

Everything’s A Buzz by Michelle Spreckels

Connect with your Teens by Jennifer Comet Wagner

Traded My BMW for a Minivan by Elizabeth Peterson

Enjoy…see you in the future.

Judi

P.S. – Calling all boomer girls…this blog is my newly updated site. I hope you like it. As part of the relaunch, anyone who signs up to receive my posts via email or leaves a comment on any blog post during the month of July, or sends a note to me with feedback about my newly designed blog, will be entered into a raffle for a copy of “I Remember Nothing And Other Reflections” in remembrance of the late writer Nora Ephron. (Note: To leave a comment on a post you can click the little bubble near the title of the post.)

Spring Ahead with Fashion

Posted on March 13, 2012 by Judi

I hope you remembered to set your clocks ahead yesterday. It felt great to know that there will be more daylight and that spring is only a week away. What, what, what — spring is only a week away. I must do my annual spring shopping.

That’s why this weekend I made sure to read up on all the spring fashion trends. I finished the March issue of O Magazine, which focused on “decluttering.” I did a little ‘decluttering’ as I reviewed my current closet full of warm weather clothes. “Throw out anything that you haven’t worn in a year or two,” said the experts at O Magazine. I started to put a bag of old clothes together for Goodwill and there’s likely more to come.

I read 1500+ pages about spring fashions including the March issues of InStyle, Vogue, T – The New York Times Style Magazine, and More. Plus I tagged all my favorites in the Nordstrom catalogs that I saved from the past few months.

So what are the latest and greatest colors, shapes and wearables for boomer girls this spring? Here’s my recap according to these mags:

Bold Pastels in shades of lilac, mint, rose and lemon are popular, as are pastel hair and nail polish too. (Not one of my favorites since I am classified by Color Me Beautiful as an Autumn, I don’t look very good in pastels.)

Romantic elements like peplums, florals, lace and ruffles. (Again, not one of my favorites. However, I do like some of the lace skirts and lace tops that I saw in the Macy’s advertisement and in the window display at Ann Taylor. Peplums and ruffles are not appropriate on my short 50+ figure.)

Mad Prints with large geometric designs and polka dots. (Oh, I love polka dots, especially accents of polka dots. Maybe I will get an accessory, such as a scarf, handbag or shoes with polka dots for spring.)

Pleats and more pleats. (No, no, no – pleats don’t work with pear-shaped bodies. No pleats for me – thank you very much.)

The Dress Shirt in white button down. (Here we go again – another takeoff on the shirt dress of yesteryear. This is why I should think twice before I “declutter” my closet.You never know when an old trend will become a new trend in the future.)

Sporty looks in comfortable fabrics with bright colors. (Love it, like it, want it. I prefer more casual wear during warmer weather.)

Hi-Gloss with metallic tones and illuminating beads, studs and other embellishments. (I like to shimmer during summer nights. Ooh, ooh, really liked the cotton dress with paillettes by Michael Kors. Maybe if I do more exercise and get rid of my middle-age middle I’ll be able to shimmy and shimmer this season.)

Bright day dresses and expressive stripes with bold blocks of color. (I did finally buy a dress for myself last summer. Maybe it is time to buy another one this spring. It is easy to get dressed when all you have to put on is one piece of clothing.)

Nature Prints with flowers and garden colors. (Little bits of nature may work better on my body than an entire dress or top. Flower power is not my thing.)

High Waist silhouettes. (Listen up boomer girls. InStyle editors say that this trend “was a staple in the ’70s and ’80s.”Are you getting nostalgic? Have any of your old high waisted pants buried in the back of your closet? Or if you gave them to Goodwill like I did, you may have to buy some new ones, cause according to InStyle these high waisted pants and skirts will help “legs look longer, the dreaded muffin top bulge and whale tail thong top vanish.” Amen, I’m sold.)

Denim shirts are back. So are blurred prints, color blocking, crafty platform shoes and espadrilles (love espas), long skirts (didn’t we used to call them maxi skirts in the ’70s?), open weave, leopard prints (again, oh peleezze!) and more skinny bright colored jeans and capris.

Can’t wait to go spring shopping! Hope my tax return shows up soon. But wait, I was going to save that money for a summer vacation.

Judi

Music Memories of My Younger Years

Posted on February 15, 2012 by Judi

Maybe it was the Grammy Awards that brought back the memories of music from my younger years. I thought this year’s 54th ceremony was one of the best-ever with so many performances by oldies, but goodies like baby boomers Bruce Springsteen and Paul McCartney. (My sister N swooned over Paul when we were growing up. He truly was the cutest Beatle. I was quite young when the Beatles hit the stage on the Ed Sullivan Show, but I remember.)

Or perhaps, it was hearing about the sad passing of Whitney Houston. I used to dance to her tunes throughout the late 80s and 90s. I would turn up the sound and sway my hips whenever I Wanna Dance With Somebody Who Loves Me came on the radio. While I didn’t particularly like Kevin Costner and Whitney in The Bodyguard, I did love the soundtrack. Let’s see, which were my favorites? Ah yes, I Will Always Love You, I’m Every Woman, and Run To You.

I had new carpeting installed throughout my house two weeks ago. I felt like I was moving all over again. I had to pack up all the books and bottles on my three bookcases in my loft area where I have my home office. As I packed away all my records (yes, I said records) from the 70s and 80s, my heart started to beat a little faster.

My heart was beating faster because my memory was being jogged back to my college days. I could clearly picture the portable stereo and speakers on my dorm room desk where they used to sit. Was it more than 30 years ago? How could that be? Where has the time gone? Back then, my turntable was always revolving with many of the records that now sit silent on my bookcase shelf. I remember…

Janis Ian – Party Lights
Kenny Loggins – Whenever I Call You Friend
Boz Scaggs – Georgia
Linda Ronstadt – Blue Bayou
Carly Simon – Mockingbird
Dan Fogelberg – Leader of the Band (I played that song over and over and over. I was so sad when Dan passed away several years ago. He was such a great musician.)
Gordon Lightfoot – Bend in the Water
James Taylor – You’ve Got A Friend
Jackson Browne – The Pretender
Barry Manilow (I must have borrowed this album from a friend. Did I really buy a BM record?)
Judy Collins (Send in the Clowns for my namesake Judy.)
Cat Stevens – Wild World, Peace Train, and Another Saturday Night (I played this song every Saturday night when I didn’t have anybody to hang out with after I graduated and was single in the city.)
Bonnie Raitt – Good Enough
Bruce Springsteen…The Doobie Brothers…The Moody Blues…Donna Summers…The Pointer Sisters…Simon & Garfunkel…the Beatles, the Beatles, more Beatles

I have so many great music memories from my younger years. As was true at the Grammys this year and as the writer Farhad Manjoo says “everything old is new again.” I think I am going to buy an Ion Audio unit (as soon as one is available for sale) which converts vinyl records to digital files. According to Manjoo’s NY Times article, “this technology is easy to use because you simply plug in a USB thumb drive to save your music.” Plus, it only costs $70.

Ooh,ooh,ooh, I can’t. Yes, it’s time for me to enjoy these songs of my younger years during my life after 50. I’ll be singing and dancing to these tunes again real soon.

Judi

Is Retirement the "Age of Opportunity?"

Posted on January 29, 2012 by Judi

This month, I celebrated my 54^th birthday. Maybe that’s why when I heard about the Age of Opportunity study from The Hartford and MIT AgeLab, I was eager to hear the findings. The study measured the opinions and concerns of Americans both in and approaching retirement. (Ooh, ah. Ooh, ah. I fall into the second category, being within 10 years of retirement.)

The study found that “most retirees are pleased with their life, and both pre-retirees and retirees have a positive attitude about retirement overall.” According to the study:

* “Retirees are more likely to say “I am happier now that I am retired” (77 percent) than those who have yet to retire are to say “I will be happier after I retire” (64 percent.)” (There is so much opportunity to look forward to when I eventually retire. I will write my book or maybe write two books. Or perhaps, I will study to become a yoga teacher. Ooh, ooh, maybe I will teach yoga to children – I don’t think I am flexible enough to teach yoga to adults. However, my yoga teacher did just ask me to play a student in her upcoming yoga DVD. Imagine me a student star. The best is truly yet to come.)

* “Other than wishing they could retire earlier (35 percent of pre-retirees), many soon-to-be retirees see few negatives about retiring.” (Hmm, hmm, hmm. That’s good news.)

* “Twenty-six percent of those nearing retirement said they feel “hopeful” about retirement.” (I second that opinion.)

* “Among those who did find something less than positive about the next phase of their lives, dealing with medical or health issues was cited most often (21 percent for pre- retirees).” (My dad always said “if you’ve got your health you’re rich.” While I didn’t listen to him when I was younger, now I know he was a wise man.)

* When it comes to money, “pre-retirees said a milestone birthday (19 percent) or the realization that they are within 10 years of retiring (15 percent) were the two most common triggers for serious financial planning. It also seems that early planning plays off: More affluent retirees – those with $250,000 or more of investable assets – are twice as likely to say they began serious financial planning when they got their first job.” (Really, their first job? Really? I definitely did not take financial planning seriously when I was 22 years old. Did you? I cannot remember when I started to take financial planning more seriously. Maybe it was in my 30s.)

If you want to learn about your financial style, I suggest you take a fun online quiz from Chase Blueprint. I ranked “financially savvy.” Go Judi! Go Judi! Go Judi! To take the quiz and also find out about saving for retirement go to: www.chasefinancialwellness.com.

* Oh yes, there was one more interesting bit of news in the Age of Opportunity survey. “When asked what song they’d use to describe the retirement they have, or the one they hope to have, both groups most often chose “I Did It My Way.” (Really? A Frank Sinatra song? Come on baby boomers? Really? What song would I choose? Let’s see. This is a difficult question. Wait, I’ve got it. I think for right now I’m going to choose “Working on A Dream” by boomer guy Bruce Springsteen.)

Yes, I am going to be working on my dream in my retirement years. The best is truly yet to come.

Judi

Note on Age of Opportunity Survey Methodology: From Oct. 3-16, 2011, GfK Roper conducted a total of 1,964 telephone interviews with adults 45 years and older using RDD (random digit dialing). To qualify, respondents must have retired in the past 2-10 years (“retiree”) or plan to retire in the next 2-10 years (“pre-retiree”). These groups were further divided based on their household’s total investable assets, with quotas for under $250,000 and $250,000 or higher.

How To Get More Beauty Sleep

Posted on January 12, 2012 by Judi

After nights of not sleeping, I finally took myself to the sleep doctor this morning. I had made an appointment more than a month ago. Dr. A’s schedule was booked, booked, booked. So many people have sleep issues these days.

My appointment was very prompt. No long wait in the waiting room. (Guess they don’t want insomniacs to fall asleep while they wait.)

I filled out a simple sleep survey. I answered “rarely” to most of the questions. For example, I “rarely” fall asleep when I watch television. (My son D disagreed when I told him about my answer. “Mom, give me a break, you frequently fall asleep when you’re watching television,” said D. “I always have to wake you up when your show comes back on after a commercial.”) I “rarely” fall asleep when I lie down to take an afternoon nap. (My boyfriend L, on the other hand, frequently falls asleep when he takes weekend naps.)

After my survey, it was time to meet Dr. A. He was very alert, likely he had had a good night’s sleep. I bet he knows all the tricks, I thought. I was eager to have him share his sleep secrets with me.

“When did you start having sleep problems?” asked Dr. A.

“Peri and meno, peri and meno,” that’s all I had to say plus, “shortly before my fiftieth birthday and ever after. ”I used to be a great sleeper when I was in my twenties. I would put my head on the pillow and kaboom, I was out for the count. Not now. Not during my life after 50. No, no, no.”

Dr. A asked a few more questions. He wanted to know if I was depressed. “No.” He wanted to know if I had restless legs. “No.” He wanted to know if I had any extreme pain in my back or neck or other parts of my body. “No.” He wanted to know if I stopped breathing during sleep. “No sleep apnea.”

Then Dr. A said the magic words, “It’s all about sleep hygiene. You have to take a cognitive approach. There are no magic cures or perfect drugs.”

So what’s a 50 year old boomer girl to do? How can I get more beauty sleep?

Want to know Dr. A’s tips? Do ya? Do ya? Okay, here goes:

* “Don’t go to bed until you are really tired, even if it is late at night or early morning.” (While I always thought I should aim for an early bedtime, I was pleased to learn that it doesn’t matter if I go to bed at 11:00 p.m. or 12:00 a.m., as long as I am tired.)

* “If you haven’t fallen asleep within 30 – 60 minutes, get out of bed and do something else. Read a book, watch television or even have a light snack. Bed is only for sleep and sex, not lying awake at night and counting sheep.” (Ooh, ooh, ooh, Dr. A. I will no longer lie in bed for hours and hours. Maybe I will move a big comfy chair into my bedroom and put a floor lamp nearby so I can read in a chair instead of in bed. I can also watch television in my big comfy chair. Yes, that is exactly what I am going to do. Soon, soon, soon. As soon as I find a pretty blue accent chair to match my pretty blue accent wall. I’m charging my Kindle for future sleepless nights.)

* “Take Ambien if you haven’t slept in several nights. Take it 30 minutes before you are going to bed.” (I don’t like to take Ambien too often, but I do take it occasionally when I really, really need it.)

* “Make sure to exercise. And try wake at the same time every day.” (I do use my stationary bicycle each morning. I do yoga and mindfulness meditation a few times a week. Lift my weights on the weekend. I walk too. Okay, okay, I really should walk more often. As for timely sleep, can I not sleep in on the weekend? Oh, please. Pretty please!)

* “Stay off the computer before bedtime.” (That means no blogging before bed. Uh, oh. No. No.)

That means I have to sign off soon. I need time away from my computer to decompress and relax before bedtime. I may never get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night – four or five may be the best for me. Dr. A said that’s okay.

I promised to maintain a sleep diary for two weeks and will be back to report to Dr. A in late February.

Sleeping Beauty Judi

Stepping Slowly Into The New Year

Posted on January 2, 2012 by Judi

It’s 2012. Have you made any resolutions yet? According to my yoga teacher N, yogis do not set resolutions because resolutions take you too far into the future. Yogis set intentions, which are more about the present, about the here and now.

It is January 2nd and like a good yogi, I am going to set an intention. My intention for today and for tomorrow and for the rest of this week is to continue to slow down and savor every moment.

According to Marcia Wieder, Americas Dream Coach, there are four steps to setting an intention:

1. Get clear about something you want and write it down. (Okay, I can do that. I want to slow down in 2012, not rush, rush, rush. I will put less on my ‘to do’ list each day. I want to slow down and take more time to enjoy wonderful books like the one I am reading called “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.” My intention is to not see the movie, which just premiered last week, until I finish the book. )

2. Share your intention with someone in a way that will supportively hold you accountable to taking action. (Okay, I can do that. Dear fellow boomer girls, I want you to comment on this blog post or like me on Facebook@Judi Boomer Girl and ask me every so often if I am slowing down in 2012. If you have an intention, let me know what your intention is for this moment of the new year. I will try to hold you accountable too.)

3. Do something today to demonstrate your commitment to your intention. (Since I had the day off today, I went to yoga class and had a massage with my favorite massage therapist D. I felt so relaxed afterwards. Tonight, I am going to make sure to go to bed before midnight – okay, before 11:00 p.m. – okay, before 10:00 p.m. – so I am ready to rise and shine when my alarm wakes me at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow morning to start my fast-paced life again. Uh oh! Uh oh! No, no, no – slow down, remember!)

4. Acknowledge that you did what you said you would and then take the next step. (I did a good job of slowing down the last few days of 2011. And I am starting the new year out pretty good these past two days. Now I need to take that next step like Americas Dream Coach Marcia says. Can I do it? Will I continue my slow steps into 2012? )

Yesterday, I was reminded of slowing down when I read Pico Iyer’s “The Joy of Quiet” commentary in The New York Times Week In Review. Pico quotes from Nicholas Carr’s book “The Shallows,”which says that “The average American spends at least eight and a half hours a day in front of a screen, in part because the number of hours American adults spent online doubled between 2005 and 2009. (Nicholas’ book was a finalist for the 2011 Pulitzer Prize in General Nonfiction. Wow-o-wow. I must make this an intention for my 2012 reading list.)

Pico continues to say that “The urgency of slowing down – to find the time and space to think – is nothing new…” and adds that “more and more people I know, even if they have no religious commitment, seem to be turning to yoga, or meditation, or tai chi; these aren’t New Age fads so much as ways to connect with what could be called the wisdom of old age.”

So dear boomer girls, as I step slowly into the new year during my life after 50, I wish you all a very happy and healthy 2012. May you too savor each and every quiet and slow moment this year brings you.

Judi

P.S. – For those of you who read my last blog post of 2011 titled “Wherefore Art Thou Romeo?,” please know that my husband’s gravestone was discovered under a bed of grass that the new cemetery landscapers had mowed by mistake over his plot. Thank you for your kind words of support.

Pursuing A Passionate Life

Posted on September 28, 2011 by Judi

This past weekend, I went to the “BreakThrough!” Conference sponsored by The Ripa Center for Women’s Health & Wellness at Cooper University Hospital. It was all about “Rediscovering Yourself at 40, 50, 60+.” I signed up as soon as I found out that Gail Sheehy was going to be one of the keynote speakers.

I had read Gail Sheehy’s book, “Passages,” when I was in my 20s. I reread parts of the new 30th anniversary edition shortly after I turned 50. I was curious at the time to see if the passages of my life had stayed the course. During her talk, Gail mentioned that she was in her mid-30s when she wrote “Passages” and she stopped the passages at age 50 because at the time, there really wasn’t much to talk about during a woman’s life after 50.

Flash forward three plus decades and times have surely changed. Gail is now in her 70s and has written a few more books, including one called “Sex and the Seasoned Woman,” all about pursuing a passionate life after 50. She shared highlights of her book and her research with us on Saturday.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, her words were so inspiring. I wanted to jump up and down.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, I am so glad to be my age and I so want to pursue a passionate life after 50.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, I can’t wait any longer…I have to share some of Gail’s words of wisdom:

- Gail says that “pursuing a passionate life requires taking the risk of living your dreams.” (Oh no – there is that word risk in there. Am I finally ready to take a risk to pursue my dreams? Yes. No. Maybe so?)

- Gail says that “a seasoned woman is spicy, marinated in life experiences, and knows who she is.” (I second that. I love to sprinkle my foods with the dried oregano and basil bought during my trip to Italy last spring and when I use them up I may risk it all and travel back to that little Italian town in Cinque Terre and buy some more.)

- Gail says that “boomer women at midlife are discovering who they are and who they want to be.” (I agree. Some days I want to go back to school and study creative writing. Other days I want to go study yoga and mindfulness and also learn more about social media.)

- Gail says that “younger women are constantly in a sprint with taking care of their families and working. In the early 50s, women come out of that tunnel and have much better well-being.” (I totally agree. To-ta-lly! In my 30s and 40s, I was so busy taking care of my kids, climbing the career ladder, sprinting all over the place. I never took time to really think about my needs.)

- Gail says that “70 percent of aging over 50 is governed by our wellness – what we eat, how we exercise and how we socialize.” (According to Gail, if I take care of my health, I will achieve a major life goal in my 50s and 60s.)

Okay, okay, okay, boomer girls. I saved the best for last. Psst, psst, psst…it’s about sex for women over 50. Here’s the scoop according to Gail. You can decide which group fits your status. Keep in mind that during your life after 50, you can move in and out of different groups, so not to worry if you’re not where you want to be at this moment in time. Things can always change anywhere between your late 40s and 80:

- Passionites: These women are healthy, independent, spiritual, and sexy women. When children leave the nest, it is not a time of mourning, but a time of great joy.

- Seekers: These women are healthy, single women, seeking sexual relationships. However, Gail says “these women may still hold grudges and have unrealistic expectations.”

- WMD’s: “Women Married Dammit.” Uh oh! These women feel victimized by a mate who may not be a good provider, but are unwilling to make a change. Not to fret, Gail says that “if ever chemistry attracted you to your mate, it will or can come back.”

- Status Quo: These women are “just resigned, they don’t have sex, but have a safe social structure.”

- Lower Libido: These women “have given up on sex and are not doing anything about it.”

There was so much more to learn from Gail’s research that I had to buy a copy of her book. I stood in line and waited while she signed a copy just for me. ”For Judi,” wrote Gail, “Enjoy your passion!”

Judi

Meeting My Fellow Boomer Bloggers At BlogHer 2011

Posted on September 3, 2011 by Judi

It is almost a month since I attended the BlogHer 2011 conference and I am just starting to catch up with all the wonderful women (and men) that I met and check out all the swag that I received. One of the best parts of the conference was hosting the Birds of a Feather session with fellow Boomer bloggers.

I was pleased that 30+ bloggers attended the session. We’re a small tribe, but we are definitely growing. The BlogHer team wanted to call our birdies the “Elder” bloggers, but I urged them to change our name to “Boomer.” “Elders are my mom’s age, in their 80s and 90s,” I said. ”We’re boom, boom, boomers.”

We went around the room during the Feather session and shared each of our stories – how and why we started blogging, what our blogs were about, and why we liked blogging. All agreed that life after 50 is one of the “best times of your life.” We felt that this is a time in your life when you’re more able to find your authentic voice. You have all the wisdom from your life before 50 and now it is time to share it with others and with those who are younger. Some said that life after 50 is a time for reinventing yourself. One person said she joined a rock band. Yes, boom, boom, boom – a rock band!

So who are some of these talented, time-tested, terrific Boomer bloggers? Here are a few of my favorites and their blogs:

- Sharon’s blog, Leaning Into Life, finds encouragement in the commonplace and has beautiful photos

- Caryn’s blog, The Midlife Guru, features her stories and wisdom after turning 50 last year

- Linda’s blog, BoomerTechTalk, contains a bevy of information on technology and social media

- Lisa’s blog, Grandma’s Briefs, includes bits & bytes about life’s second act

- Nancy’s blog, Dating Dementia, is about single women making big changes at midlife

- Elaine’s blog, TripWellness, provides tips on how to remain stress-free while traveling, including yoga

- Carol’s blog, Middle Aged Diva, is about living your best life at any age

- Audrey’s and Anne-Marie’s blog, The Succulent Wife, provides ideas on how to live a more exciting life and bloom during your boomer years

- Wolf’s blog, Just Add Father, is about mindful fatherhood. Kudos to father and physician Wolf, who was one of only two boomer men among the almost all female boomer group.

- Brenda’s blog on Breast Cancer Sisterhood, provides a guide to surviving and thriving after breast cancer.

Finally, there is Darryle’s blog, “I never signed up for this.” Darryle is a writer, TV journalist, artist, mother and breast cancer survivor. She is one of the first women to graduate from Yale. Darryle’s blog post was selected as one of the Voices of the Year at the BlogHer conference. I urge you to click on the link above and watch the video of Darryle’s voice. You will be motivated and moved by her performance. Bravo to Darryle, a beautiful boomer blogger.

I think after you watch Darryl’s video, you will understand what I mean when I say I found my tribe at BlogHer. Boomer women (and a few boomer men) are writing great blogs about their lives after 50. We all shared our email addresses, Twitter handles, and Facebook pages with each other. We promised to stay in touch and meet again at BlogHer 2012 in New York City next summer. I hope you’ll join us. If you’re a boomer blogger and want to be added to our list, please send along the name of your blog to me or leave a comment on this blog post and we’ll sign you up.

Judi

P.S. Please take time, if you have any free time, and vote for my blog to win CBS Philly’s Best Blog Award. You can vote everyday from now until September 9th. Thank you!