Learning About Slow Love

Posted on October 28, 2011 by Judi

I went to the BlogHer Writers ’11 Conference last week. The conference was sponsored by Penguin Publishing. I went to the conference to learn about how to publish a book. You see dear readers, when I find a spare moment in one of these upcoming days, months or likely years, my dream is to turn my blog into a book.

I listened to all the bloggers who had been published, the editors and agents, and fiction and non-fiction authors as they shared what it takes to get a book published or self-published in today’s market. I drafted a book proposal and shared the title during my mentoring session on writing a memoir. My book is going to be called “How I Got My Mojo Back, After Losing My Spouse, Selling My House and Emptying Out My Nest.” What do you think? Oh, please tell me that you can’t wait to read the table of contents. Oh, please tell me that you can’t wait to read each chapter and the sidebars and more. It’s going to be a great book, especially for those 50+.

I Met The Author Dominique Browning

But now, I want to tell you about an author I met. Her name is Dominque Browning and she wrote “Slow Love – How I Lost My Job, Put on My Pajamas, and Found Happiness.” Dominque was a keynote speaker at the conference. As a fellow boomer girl, I could identify with Dominque’s remarks.

Dominque was the editor of “House & Garden” until Conde Nast folded the magazine and she lost her job. That’s when she put on her pajamas, slowed down and wrote a book about it.

“Slow love is about knowing what you’ve got before it’s gone,” Dominque said. “Slowing down is about tuning into the miracles of life all around us.” Dominique challenged each of us to notice a miracle every day. (Think I will try to notice my houseplants every day. It is truly a miracle that I am able to keep them green and growing. I will also have to buy more flowers and put them around my house. Flowers are miracles too.)

“Slow love is about taking advantage of what’s around you to nourish yourself every day,” Dominque said. (I have to heed Dominque’s advice. I’ve been so busy lately that sometimes I tend to rush through the day and gulp down my meals so I can get to the next task. Instead, I need to slow down and be more mindful of my food and savor every bite.)

“Sometimes we impose impossible demands on ourselves,” Dominque said. (Really? Oh, really? That is me to a tee.)

As she closed out her keynote address, Dominque shared some tips about how she reinvented herself during such a traumatic time in her life:

“There is a time of mourning,” she said. “Give yourself permission to mourn.”
“We often don’t know where we want to go,” she said. ”Be patient with yourself.”
“Why are you still doing what you wanted to do when you were 22 when you are 52?” she told us to ask ourselves this question and see what the answer is.
“Get rid of the toxic people in your life.” she said. (Yes, I agree and I’ve tried to do the same during my life after 50.)

I so enjoyed hearing from Dominque that I went straight to the conference bookstand and bought a copy of her book and had her autograph it. Each night before I go to sleep I’ve been reading a chapter. This “slow love” is good stuff. If you want to practice “slow love” you can find more words of wisdom from Dominque at her blog Slow Love Life.

Judi

Flo-ree-da, Mom’s 90th B-Day and a Hot Red Sports Car

Posted on October 19, 2011 by Judi

Last week I was off to Flo-ree-da for my mom’s 90th birthday. It was a BIG occasion. After all, it’s not every year that my wonderful mom turns the BIG 9-0. My sister N and nephew N and my daughter A and son D all joined in to honor mom’s birthday with a BIG celebration.

My daughter A and I took a little detour before heading to mom’s assisted living residence to spend two glorious days in South Beach at the Dream Hotel. It was truly dreamy. They even had Dream Water in the room to help guests have a restful sleep. I didn’t try any relaxation water therapy, but I wrote down the website if I ever want to order any water for home use – might be good for some nights when I have menopausal insomnia.

After our mother/daughter Miami trip, A and I took a cab back to the Fort Lauderdale airport to pick up a car and pick up my son D before driving north to mom’s birthday party.

“I ordered a compact Ford Focus,” I said to the rental agent at the Budget Rental Car counter. ”Sorry, no compact cars left. But we are going to upgrade you to an SUV,” said the agent.

“What do you mean? I don’t want an SUV,” I said rather loudly. I’m here for my mom’s 90th birthday and she cannot climb into an SUV. You gave my sister an SUV and now she cannot take my mother out for a ride. I need a car,” I said.

“Well, I’ll give you an upgrade to our best car. It’s a Lincoln Towncar,” said the agent. It is a car with four doors. “Okay, I’ll take it, I’ll take it,” I replied.

“What are you doing?” said my son D as we walked to the car. ”That car is a boat. We cannot drive a Lincoln Towncar,” said D. ”Grandma will think we are going to a funeral not her 90th birthday party. The car is big and black.”

I walked back to the Budget counter and demanded a different car. “I cannot drive around in a big black car for my mother’s 90th birthday weekend,” I told the agent.

“Well, I’ll upgrade you to a Cadillac Escalade,” said the agent. “No, no, no,” I replied. ”I told you, no SUV. I need a car. Do you have any cars left in the shop?”

“Well, the only cars I have left are sports cars, either a Camaro or a Dodge Challenger…and you’ll have to pay extra,” said the agent.

By this time I was quite annoyed. Plus, we had to get going if we were going to make it in time for the party at 3:00 p.m. ”Okay, give me the Dodge Challenger,” I said. ”Way to go mom,” said my son D. We loaded up our luggage, revved up the engine and off to the races we went, I mean off to the birthday party we went, in a two door, hot red sports car.

We arrived at mom’s place just in time for the party. E, the events planner at my mom’s residence, was a pro when it came to celebrations. ”Do you want to have a really, really great 90th birthday for your mom?” she had said when I spoke to her a few weeks prior. ”Of course I want to have a really, really great 90th birthday for my mom. Why wouldn’t I want it to be a really, really great birthday?”

“Then I suggest we have some entertainment. Do you want a singer or a comedian?” E had asked. I chose the singer and my sister N agreed.

At 3:00 p.m. sharp there was a sitting room only crowd waiting in the living room. (All walkers were folded to allow for maximum accommodations.) Singer Jeanne arrived and belted out a bevy of show tunes and love songs to honor my mom’s nine decades. She ended her serenade with a Peggy Lee favorite, “I’m A Woman,” and the crowd sang along. Oh, it was so good, I feel like singing it again. Come on and have some fun and sing along with me:

I can wash out 44 pairs of socks and have ‘em hangin out on the line
I can starch & iron 2 dozens shirts ‘fore you can count from 1 to 9
I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the drippins can
Throw it in the skillet, go out & do my shopping, be back before it melts in the pan
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

I can rub & scrub this old house til it’s shinin like a dime
Feed the baby, grease the car, & powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up, go out and swing til 4 a.m. and then
Lay down at 5, jump up at 6, and start all over again
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

If you come to me sickly you know I’m gonna make you well
If you come to me all hexed up you know I’m gonna break the spell
If you come to me hungry you know I’m gonna fill you full of grits
If it’s lovin you’re likin, I’ll kiss you and give you the shiverin’ fits
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

I can stretch! a green black dollar bill from here to kindom come!
I can play the numbers pay the bills and still end up with some!
I got a twenty-dollar gold piece says there ain’t nothing I can’t do
I can make a dress out of a feed bag and I can make a man out of you
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again ‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, and that’s all.

Wow, that was fabulous. Don’t you feel empowered? Oh, you want to know about the rest of the party?

Well, chef E at my mom’s assisted living residence made a delicious fruity birthday cake with pineapple filling and whipped cream frosting. Almost everyone had a slice, except for those who were diabetic, they had to have special cookies. Then my mom blew out her birthday candle and made a birthday wish.

We spent the rest of the weekend driving around in the hot red Dodge Challenger sports car. ”It was great,” said my mom at the end of the day on Friday and at the end of the weekend too. It truly was a best-ever birthday.

I especially love the quote in my mom’s 90th birthday card. It is by poet Emily Dickinson and says “We turn not older with years, but new every day.” That’s how I feel about my mom. She may be 90 now, but she still inspires me in new ways every day.

We dropped off the hot red Dodge Challenger sportscar at the Budget rental car return and boarded the plane at 6:00 a.m. back to New Jersey on Monday morning. A and I were exhausted (D had already left on Sunday) but glad that the weekend had gone so well. “Maybe we’ll be back to celebrate grandma’s 100th birthday in 10 years from now,” said A, “That would be really fun!”

Judi

Practicing Forgiveness After 50

Posted on October 14, 2011 by Judi

I’ve been thinking about the word “forgiveness.” Maybe it has something to do with the Jewish New Year. During the sermon on Yom Kippur, the rabbi talked about forgiveness and letting go of our sins in preparation for the year ahead. I’ve always been very hard on myself, not very forgiving. Now that I am fifty-something, I’ve noticed that it seems easier for me to let go and forgive.

For example, I spilled coffee the other morning as I was preparing my breakfast. The coffee spilled all over the counter. The grounds fell out of the Melitta filter onto the floor, onto the top of the garbage can and also onto the kitchen drawer and cabinet below it. Maybe it was my practice of mindfulness that reminded me to forgive myself. Maybe it was the fact that I was glad to be alive after hearing of the untimely death of the famous and brilliant boomer Steve Jobs. He was only 56 years old. (I was definitely iSad about the loss of Jobs. I went out the next day with my son D to AT&T to reserve the new iPhone 4S.)

Spilling coffee seemed like something that I should not get too upset about. Luckily it did not spill on the new suit that I was wearing that day. I wiped everything up and made another cup of coffee. This time I was careful to steady the Melitta filter on the mug.

I chipped one of my new small china bowls on Saturday morning too. I had just bought a full set of four china bowls from the Bobby Flay Collection at Kohl’s. I didn’t get upset about the chipped bowl. I threw it out. I sensed forgiveness and told myself to be careful the next time I put a china bowl in the drain to dry. “Oh Judi,” I said, “You can always buy another set of bowls or serve mismatched bowls again, which might be more interesting to your guests anyway.”

I got stuck in traffic while driving to work last week. I didn’t blink an eye. I put my favorite Lady Gaga CD on high and rocked out to “The Queen.” Forgiveness engulfed me until the traffic jam subsided.

I went to mail a package to my mother and missed the turn for the post office. I decided to drive to another post office, but when I arrived there the post office was closed. I did not stamp my feet, nor make a scene. Instead I put the package back in the car and returned the next day. “Oh Judi,” I said, “Your mother can wait an extra day for her new blouse.”

I like forgiveness. Forgiveness for my sleepless nights, forgiveness for my aches and pains, forgiveness for my wrinkles (okay, maybe not for my wrinkles – still have to work on those wrinkles.)

When interviewed on Charlie Rose about her new book, “Prime Time,” Jane Fonda said that “forgiveness is one of the most important things to do during our third act of life.” She says that “you can’t heal if you can’t forgive.”

So what about you? What are you forgiving during your life after 50? Do you find it easier to forgive now that you are 50+? Do tell.

Judi

The Wonders of Apple Cider Vinegar and Aging Skincare

Posted on October 5, 2011 by Judi

Recently, I was at a birthday party for my grand nephew who turned one year old. It was a lovely party and there were several generations represented. The oldest generation was the baby’s great grandmother who was 90+ years old. She looked marvelous. She had beautiful skin, just like the baby.

“What is the secret to her good looks?” I said to my sister-in-law. “My face has more wrinkles than great grandma and I am only fifty something.”

“She drinks apple cider vinegar every day,” said my sister-in-law. “I think she drinks a few teaspoons or tablespoons. It is not only good for your skin, but it is also good for your digestive system.”

“I use apple cider vinegar as an astringent every night,” continued my sister-in-law. “Dilute the vinegar six to one with water. Then dab it on your face with a cotton ball before you put your moisturizer on. There will be a slight smell, but it will dissipate quickly.”

“Really?” I said with excitement, “Could simple, inexpensive vinegar possibly be the perfect skincare product to perk up my face during my life after 50?”

I could not wait to get home and try this new potion. Off to the supermarket I went to buy a bottle of apple cider vinegar. I bought a quart-size to ensure I will have enough vinegar to last for a long, long time.

There’s a chill in the autumn air these days. It’s apple season. I love all things made with apples. Apple dumplings and applesauce, apple crisp and apple betty, apple turnovers and apple cider donuts.

And when the sun goes down and it’s time for bed, I take my apple cider vinegar out of the cupboard and mix up my skincare regiment. I wash my face with cleanser. Then I pat down my face with diluted apple cider vinegar and allow it to dry. Finally, I put a dollop of moisturizer on my face, just as I would if I were topping a slice of apple pie with whipped cream.

I went to get a mani and pedi this weekend. There was a piece of paper with the words “apple cider vinegar” on the table where my manicurist was sitting. ”I love apple cider vinegar,” I said to my manicurist. ”What are you doing with apple cider vinegar?” ”One of my clients told me that it cures cuts on your hands,” said my manicurist. ”Really?” I replied. ”You should try it on your face. It’s so wonderful for aging skin. Yes it is. Yes it is.”

Judi