Boy Birdie Back In The Nest for the Summer

Posted on May 20, 2011 by Judi

It was the day before Mother’s Day,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Then the plane from Italy landed. He’s here, he’s back said my daughter A.
Hip hip, hip hip, hip hip, hooray!

My son D is back in the nest, but not to stay,
Only for the summer months, hip hip, hooray!

I love my son. I do. I do.
But giving up my empty nest makes me want to cry – boo hoo, boo hoo.

You see, I’ve gotten used to living on my own, no mess, no fuss, no dirty rugs.
Just me, my clean house and on occasion some stinky bugs.

He dropped his suitcases which were as heavy as mules.
Then he ranted and raved about mom’s summer rules.

I know what you’re going to say, he said loud and clear,
Listen mom, I got it, I love you dear.

I listened intently as he spouted every word that day,
I was quiet and poised, waiting to hear what my little birdie had to say.

I know you’re turning 21 and it’s time to start really living,
But, gas is expensive and the extra money, I’m not giving.

Don’t party too hard and get your rest,
Soon you’ll start your internship and I know you’ll do your best

Working is hard, 9 to 5 is a grind,
But after a long day, video games will help you unwind.

I’m not doing your laundry, no cooking dinner every night,
I’m booked most evenings, jeez hope that’s all right.

Monday massage, Tuesday yoga, Wednesday I see my boyfriend L,
Thursday I’m usually blogging, are you okay with this? Do tell, do tell.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday are full to the brim,
What’s that you say, you need a trim?

Of course, of course, I’ll trim your hair any time,
In my nest, you know I’ll always help you save a dime.

You know I’m really glad to have you back for the summer,
Just follow my rules and the next few months won’t be a bummer.

You’ll have fun you will, wait and see,
We’ll cohabit lovely in the nest and drink iced tea.

Come September, I’ll wave goodbye and give you a hug and a kiss,
For when my nest is empty again, I know it will be you that I’ll truly miss.

Judi

Judi Goes To Washington For Women and Aging Panel

Posted on May 11, 2011 by Judi

I was so delighted to be invited to attend today’s Women and Aging 2011 Panel Discussion hosted by Volunteers of America at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. I was especially excited too, because one of my long-time boomer blogger idols was on the panel – Arianna Huffington.

My alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. Rise and shine. I showered, did my hair and dressed in my slim black a-line skirt and new black sweater with the pretty ruffles and was out the door and on the Amtrak platform by 6:00 a.m. ready to roll to D.C.

The topic of women and aging and the implications for an aging population are near and dear to my heart, not only for me personally as I age and as I become more of a caregiver to my aging mom, but also for those female colleagues and friends of mine who are caring for their aging parents and grandparents. There are so many caregivers and those in the sandwich generation too, who are caring for their parents and still caring for their kids.

The panel was moderated by Dr. Bob Arnot, a well-known physician and former NBC News correspondent. In addition to Arianna, others on the panel included Debra Ness, president of the National Partnership for Women & Families, Mike King, national president and CEO of Volunteers of America (VOA), and Lorraine Cortes-Vazquez, executive vice president of multicultural markets and engagement for AARP.

“We’re going to have a lively, fascinating, provocative discussion about the challenges faced by older women,” said the VOA spokesperson as she introduced the panel.

My ears perked up. I couldn’t wait to hear what these important experts had to say about this important topic.

According to VOA, our nation is on the cusp of one of the most dramatic demographic shifts in its history as a projected 71.5 million people will be age 65 or older by 2030. (Oh my, I’ll be 72 in 2030. Hope the future starts to slow down, I have lots of things I want to do before then.)

VOA says that the demands that shift will place on our country’s current system of providing elder care are daunting, affecting workplaces, health care and public policy for years to come. (I agree, this is a BIG ISSUE and IS ONLY GOING TO GET BIGGER AND BIGGER.)

VOA says that many Americans, especially women, are still unprepared and unaware of how these changes will affect them. (I definitely agree. Maybe we are unprepared because it’s scary to think about growing older, so we postpone dealing with the facts and figures until reality sets in, and then, and then, and then, it is too late.)

Are there any benefits to getting older?

Arianna awoke at 4:00 a.m. (just like me) to catch her plane this morning and forgot her contacts and heels. “That’s the great advantage of growing older,” she added, ”You can do it without your heels and contact lenses.” (I agree Arianna, I prefer flats and like my progressive eye glasses more than contacts.)

Debra chimed in that there is something liberating about getting older: ”My husband told me I had a stain on the back of my jacket. I wore it anyway because I was going to be sitting in a chair and no one would see it. When I was 30, I would not have let this happen.”

Lorraine spoke about how great it is to be 60. ”I had a hole in my stockings this morning and I just pulled them off,” she said. (Wow, I had a teeny tiny hole in my black stockings this morning too, but I didn’t change them. When I was 30, I would have never gone out without spotless stockings. I so agree, it is liberating to be 50+.)

Not all the news is bright.

Sadly, the consensus from the panel was that today our society does not honor those aging, but rather most of us see it as a burden to take care of our elders. Arianna said that in her home country of Greece that “as you get older, you are more revered and respected. “The world needs your wisdom as you age,” she said.

The focus turned to women and aging because so many women out live their spouses and so many women out live their retirement savings. In addition, there continues to be wage disparity between women and men, so women tend to save less. Plus, 61 percent of caregivers today are women and when they are giving care to others they tend to physically neglect their own care. These female caregivers tend to be impacted economically because they must leave the workforce to care for their elderly parents (many more moms than dads) or utilize their assets to care for their elderly parents and then the cycle repeats itself.

How do we prepare for caregiving?

Lorraine said that a woman who is 55-60 will live 27-30 more years. So she must prepare earlier. (Ooh, I really listened closely as I am one of those women that Lorraine is talking about.)

She said that there are four key buckets to consider:

1. Health – I need to make sure that I get my regular preventive checkups – mammograms, sugar screening, cholesterol screening, pap test, etc.
2. Decisions - I need to be decisive and let my family know what my plans are for old age, medical proxies, power of attorneys, wills, and more.
3. Home and Community – Where and how do I want to live. Are there adequate medical facilities in those areas for when I age?
4. Finances – Medicare will not provide for long-term care insurance. Am I saving appropriately for my life expectancy?

So much to think about. It all seems overwhelming. Not only for me as I begin to age, but also as I, along with my sister N, take on a greater role of caregiver responsibilities for my soon to be 90 year old mom.

Sleep to the rescue.

Sleep always seems to get in the way, especially for aging women and women caregivers. (Don’t I know it.)

Arianna talked about having a ‘crusade for sleep.’ She has set up napquest rooms at AOL. (Go Ari. Go Ari. I love nappy times when I can grab them on a weekend, but naps are never an option during busy work weeks.)

“There is something about sleep deprivation,” said Arianna. ”We need to learn to nurture ourselves. We will feel better about ourselves if we sleep. There is so much reliance on sleep medication. We need really good sleep hygiene, it is important. Never sleep with your devices charging by your bed. Don’t take your day work into your night work.” (I wanted to hug Arianna. I am on a sleep crusade as well. Only it is not working too well this week.)

More to share
There’s much more to share on the subject of women and aging and since I am passionate about this subject you will be hearing more blog posts once I finish reading the VOA report on Boomer Bust 2011, a research study investigating the financial realities faced by seniors and their caregivers today.

Meantime, I did ask Lorraine about where boomer women can go to for help on this topic. Her answer was to check out the AARP Design, Create, and Share Program. It sounded like a good first start. In addition, you can find more policy information on the Volunteers of America site and learn more about policies at the National Partnership for Women & Families. Of course, I can’t forget that Arianna said The Huffington Post is going to start a section on aging. Maybe Arianna will share my business card that I gave her with her editors and they will ask me to write a column or two. I must be dreaming. Oh, yes, is that Judi, Judi, Judi pictured with Arianna Huffington? Yes, it is. Bold, brave Judi with an “i” asked Arianna to take a picture with her and she said yes.

It was a great day, but since it is past my bedtime I better do as Arianna says and “not take my day work into my night work.” I’m shutting off my computer now.

Talk to you soon.

Judi

Preparing My Skin for the Summer Sun

Posted on May 1, 2011 by Judi

It was time for my annual dermatology appointment. I go once a year to have my skin checked to make sure all my spots and moles are cancer free. It’s especially important to have my body checked since my mom had melanoma on her lower leg many years ago. At close to 90 years old, she still has her skin checked all the time.

“I want to have one mole removed from my face,” I said to the doctor. I don’t like the way it looks near my eye.

“Okay,” said doctor W. ”We should also check the spots on your body. Pull down your pants and pull up your shirt and let’s take a look.”

She examined my face. Then she turned to look at my back and my arms. She examined my legs, first the left and then the right. And then she stopped and stared more closely at a small spot that was an unusual shape. It was so tiny, but it caught her eye.

“I don’t like the looks of that spot there,” she said as she pointed to a spot on the front of my right thigh. ”I think that spot should come off.” And so it did.

I left the doctor’s office, thinking things were fine and went on my way.

“Hi, it’s Doctor W” said the friendly female voice on my cell phone a week later. “The mole on your face is fine, but the biopsy for the spot on your leg came back with signs of pre-melanoma. I think we have to go in a little deeper with some minor surgery and you will need a few stitches.”

“Oh, wow,” I said a little scared. I had forgotten all about my dermatologist and really didn’t think I would be seeing her again so soon.

When I got back from vacation, I went for my surgery. It was a simple procedure, a small incision on my thigh, three stitches and that was it.” Keep the leg dry for two weeks until the stitches are removed,” said doctor W. The worst part was that I was not allowed to exercise with stitches in my leg.

The following week, doctor W removed the stitches. “Be careful in the sun this summer,” she said as I walked out of the office. ”Wear lots of sunscreen and protect your skin.”

“Oh, I will,” I replied, “Yes, I will.” I made an appointment for another checkup in six months. I don’t want to take any chances, since at fifty-plus, I have so many spots all over my body and they just seem to keep multiplying. Spots on my arms, spots on my legs, spots on my face, spots on my feet, spots on my back and spots on my neck. Soon I will look like a giraffe.

I never really thought much about melanoma, until I read the diagnosis on the biopsy report for my leg: right thigh – Clark Nevus, compound, with unusual features (associated melanoma in-situ cannot be excluded) This lesion should be removed completely because early melanoma in-situ in association with a nevus cannot be excluded.

Ouch. I didn’t like what that diagnosis said. I don’t think my super-duper beach chair with the awning is going to be enough protection for me at the beach this summer or future summers to come. I am going to have to make sure my fifty-plus legs are as protected as my fifty-plus face. I do wear sunscreen on my legs, but I am going to have to up the ante and make sure I spray my legs more often.

What else can I do to protect my skin from the sun? Here’s what the Skin Cancer Foundation has to say about being “Beach Chic and Sun Smart”:

Clothing: When choosing outfits, consider color and cloth: Dark or bright colors absorb more UV than paler shades and denser fabrics, like denim or canvas, are more protective than sheer or loosely woven cloth. Try long-sleeved shirts, long pants, sarongs. Avoid bleached cottons, silks and polo shirts. (I have a black and bright aqua colored bathing suit. Will I have to get a new bathing suit that will better protect my body? I prefer to get a sarong and not have to wear long pants to the beach.)

Hats: Basal and squamous cell carcinomas, which comprise over 90 percent of skin cancers, most often appear on the head and neck. Protect yourself with a hat, ideally one with a brim extending at least three inches all the way around to shade not just the face and scalp but the neck, shoulders, and upper back. (In addition to a stylish beach umbrella, I will have to add an appropriate hat to my summer wardrobe. The Skin Cancer Foundation says that bucket, outback and tightly woven straw hats are better than baseball caps and sun visors. I may check out the hats and clothing at Coolibar. They look real cool.)

Sunglasses: Certain surfaces reflect UV radiation, so that it hits the skin and eyes twice, adding to your exposure. Sand reflects 15 percent of UV light, water, up to 10 percent and sea foam, about 25 percent according to the World Health Organization. (I need a new pair of progressive sunglasses for my fifty-plus eyes. I will be sure to ask my optometrist for sunglasses with polarized lenses to reduce glare, UV protection, a pair that filters out 99-100 percent of UV radiation, and I’ll look for over sized frames too. I’ll also get brown lenses which create greater color contrast, improving visibility on solid-color surfaces like sand and grass.)

Sunscreen: Apply a full ounce (two tablespoons) to the body, including a nickel-sized amount to the face, 30 minutes before heading outdoors. Reapply every two hours outside, and immediately after swimming, towel-drying, or heavy sweating. For extended beach stays, SPF 30 or higher may be advisable and some combination of UVA-blocking ingredients. (I promise to put on my sunscreen this summer. I do prefer the spray sunscreens, they are so much easier to use. There is so much to remember, I may have to print out this blog post and take it along to the drugstore when I buy my sunscreen.)

Ooh, ooh, there’s more news about being really stylish. What does it say?

Ooh, ooh, it says to be really stylish that I not follow the crowd. (I can do that.)

Ooh, ooh, ugh. It says to head to the beach before 10 am or after 4 pm, when the sun is weaker, to minimize exposure and avoid the hordes. (I don’t want to do that.)

I will try my best to adhere to these new rules for preparing my skin for the 2011 summer sun. I promise. I do. I do. And I’ll buy a beach umbrella too. I found some nice umbrellas at shade usa.

But, how am I going to carry all my beach gear to the beach this summer? Oh, cabana boy L, where are you? I love you. I love you. I do. I do.

Judi