The Wisdom of Parenting

Posted on April 23, 2010 by Judi

I was surprised the other week when I received an email from a mommy of triplets plus one who liked my blog. She and her hubby have a Free Pregnancy iPhone app and wanted to know if I had any tips for new parents. While I am a boomer, not one who is having boomlets anymore, I wasn’t sure if I was an appropriate person to be giving advice to those who are approaching parenthood.

However, as I thought more about the task at hand, I said to myself…sure, I have lots of parenting wisdom for new parents. This May will mark two decades since I had a child. Much has changed since then. There were no pregnancy apps or mommy blogs when I was expecting. But, I did have my favorite book at the time called “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” I read it every month with both pregnancies. I actually took the book to the hospital during delivery with my first child and someone stole it from me. (Can you imagine? I wanted to read it while I was giving birth so I would remember what to expect at the delivery. I liked this book so much that when I got pregnant with my second child, I went and bought another copy.)

So, what wisdom do I want to impart to those new parents as they read their iPhone app? What tips and tactics did I use on my two kids that worked…and that didn’t always work? What do I remember best about managing with my kids throughout those years of babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood (which they are both still going through)?

Hmm, hmm, what tips come to mind? Okay all you new parents, listen up (none of these tips are in any kind of order or priority):

- Tip #1: Don’t over feed your newborn just because you think if you feed them more they will sleep through the night. Babies have little tummies and they will throw it back up if you give them too much formula or breast milk. You may think you are smarter than your kids, but actually they are smarter than you. In fact, they are good communicators, however, as parents we sometimes don’t want to listen to them.

- Tip #2:Babies and toddlers and even parents need routines. Whenever I tried to mess up the daily routine, or take away their naptime, all hell would break loose. They would be cranky and tired and I would get that way too.

- Tip #3:Babies need lots of hugs and kisses. That’s why they are so cute so you can give them lots of hugs and kisses.

- Tip #4: Take time to sing to your baby, even if you have a lousy voice. Your baby will not tell you that you have a lousy voice because he/she can’t speak. If he/she starts to cry because of your lousy voice, turn on Lady Gaga and dance around the house with your baby. That will make he/she happy.

- Tip #5: Buy a rocking chair and rock your baby to sleep each night. The doctor may not agree, but I always loved to rock my babies before bedtime to quiet them down and quiet me down too. (Ooh, maybe I should bring that old rocking chair upstairs and rock myself when I get a menopausal moment. Ooh, ooh, do you know I still have the rocking chair that my mom used when I was a baby. Wow, it is 50+ years old now. I definitely have to bring that chair with me when I move.)

- Tip #6: Moving on to childhood, I definitely think that building self-esteem and self-efficacy is very, very, very important. If your child feels good about his/her self at an early age, it will carry them far throughout their life.

- Tip #7: As my former pediatrician once said when I was trying to potty train my son, “Judi, no child ever went to college with diapers. Don’t worry.” My pediatrician was so smart.

- Tip #8: Start the 529 account for college the moment your child is born. You will never save enough…sorry! On the other hand, maybe it’s better to listen to the tip from my son D who is close to 20. D says, “when I have kids I am going to make sure they are great at sports from a very early age so that they get a full scholarship to college.”

- Tip #9: When you send your son off to rent a tuxedo for his high school prom, be sure to give him a spending parameter. Oh, yes, also tell him that Ralph Lauren tuxedos do cost more than non-designer brands. If you forget, and he picks the expensive Ralph Lauren tux…be glad he has a date for the prom, tell him he looks great, and take tons of pictures.

- Tip #10: This is my last tip for now…but an important one. Don’t give your four or five year old daughter your old Barbie, Midge, or Skipper dolls to play with along with her own Barbie dolls. Why? Because she may decide to cut off the doll’s hair (like my daughter A did) and then it will look like a very sad looking doll. And she may decide to make a mini dress out of your favorite tweed suit that you always used to put on your Barbie doll. (Do you know when I went to a dinner for The White House Project in NYC earlier this month I saw what a real Midge looks like again…Mattel was a sponsor of the event and had all the Barbie dolls from the past 20+ years on display.

I took pictures because one of the dolls was wearing my favorite tweed outfit.

I wish all new parents luck with raising their kids. I always wished babies and kids came with better directions. Unfortunately, parenting is one of the hardest jobs. But, fortunately, it’s one of the best jobs too…and like a Timex watch, as parents we sure do take a licking, but we keep on ticking.

Judi

Taking Inventory On My Life’s Priorities

Posted on April 14, 2010 by Judi

It was a little over two years ago, March 31, 2008 to be exact, that I wrote down a list of my top priorities. My husband had recently passed away at the time, I had turned 50, and I was starting out on a new phase of my life.

It was a good exercise that had helped me focus during a very difficult period. And so, on March 31, 2010, this year, I decided to pull out my list again and take an inventory of my life’s priorities. It was time to check in and see what I had accomplished these past 24 months. It was time to see what priorities had changed and what priorities had stayed the same.

Priority #1 – Healing and Grieving. (I’d give myself an A in this area. I went through the shock, anger, emptiness, loss, and acceptance of losing a spouse. I didn’t miss a beat on the entire bereavement scale. I will always remember what the HOPE counselor S said, “The hole in your heart never heals, but it does get smaller with time.” and it has. I also highly recommend the book “Widow to Widow” for anyone who has lost a spouse, I read it cover to cover.)

Priority #2 – My Health. (This includes my mind, body and spirit. Check, check, check. I’m doing pretty good. I did take a class in “Mindfulness Meditation” and it did help settle my mind. I really do have to get back to my mindfulness practice. I did start doing yoga. Oh, how I love my yoga. Om,om,om. It’s been good for my body and my mind and spirit. I’ve been practicing good nutrition. I eat Kashi Heart to Heart cereal every morning. Sometimes I alternate with Eggo waffles and peanut butter. I know I should be eating the Nutrigrain waffles, but I really like the Homestyle variety. I take good care of my hair – getting it colored and cut every six weeks is definitely a top priority. Uh oh, I have been falling down on my monthly facials. Check minus. But, I have been keeping up with my yearly pap test and mammograms.Check plus.)

Priority #3 – My Kids. (The well-being and happiness of my two children will always continue to be one of my top priorities. However, they have both come a long way during the past two years since leaving the nest. My daughter A is successful in her new life in New York City and my son D is doing well as a college kid in the big city too. Okay, he needs to continue to manage his money better, but he has come a long way on the road to adulthood. Yes, both little birdies are growing up, but they will always be a part of my nest and continue to share from my nest egg.)

Priority #4 – My Job. (As I’ve always said, this priority continues to have about 50 priorities in one…but I’ve been doing a better job of focusing my priorities at work to create more balance in my life.)

Priority #5 – My House. (Maintaining my home has been a big job. In fact, tomorrow I have the electrician at 8 am, the plumber at 10 am, the realtor at 11:30 am, the contractors to re-repair the basement work at 3:00 pm. Let’s see did I leave anyone out? It is likely the landscaper will show up as well. Can you guess how many of these people will actually arrive on time? I should offer a prize to the person who guesses correctly. And yes, I did say the realtor is coming. I am thinking of putting my house on the market – the big next step in my 50+ life. Am I ready to down-size? Am I? Am I? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes)

Priority #6 – My Blog. (Wow, who would have thought that my blogging would be a priority? I have continued to maintain my blog posts each week. You, my readers, have been my inspiration. It’s so wonderful to connect with my fellow baby boomer females and know that my stories have made a difference in your life and you in mine. I will always be grateful for those who have encouraged me as I travel on this journey.

I was allowed five priorities at the time and I had six. And then I added a few more. I figured once I had six I could round up to 10.

Priority #7 - My Mom (She will be 89 this year and is also another big inspiration in my life. I said I wanted to see her more often and I really want to make this a higher priority. I think this priority is going to move up on the list the next two years as my house moves down on the list.)

Priority #8 - My Finances (I did consult with a financial advisor after my husband passed away. Check check. And now I am dating a financial advisor. Am I mixing up my priorities? Uh oh! Finances and friends go together, especially boyfriends. Right?.)

Priority #9 – My Friends and Extended Family (I have wonderful friends and family members. I need to make this a higher priority. Once I move my house down on the list, then I will have more time to see my friends instead of the electrician, plumber, basement contractors, and landscaper. Plus, now I have a new friend…a boyfriend L to add to the list of friends.)

Priority #10 – Relaxation (What did I list under this priority? Doesn’t look like I’ve been doing too good a job in this area if I can’t even remember what I wrote. Hmm, hmm, hmm. Oh yes, read more books, watch television, go to the movies, read the newspaper and read my magazines.

I did read a book on my new Kindle. It was called “The Help” and I highly recommend it.

I am watching LOST on DVD. Hopefully, I will finish the six seasons of this show within the next two years.

I have seen quite a few movies and Sex and the City 2 is coming out soon. It has been two years since the last Sex and the City movie. And you know how that movie ended? The four friends celebrated Samantha’s 50th birthday. Will have to make sure I make this movie a top priority and I’ll invite my girlfriends and my daughter to go to see it with me, so that will cover two of my priorities. I am so good at prioritizing…yes I am.

I also have kept up my daily morning New York Times “time for me time”. I read the newspaper while I eat my nutritious breakfast. Once again, I cover two priorities at once.

As for those magazines, I’m still addicted to my monthly fix of InStyle, Vogue, More, and yes, I added a new one, Oprah’s O magazine.Did I tell you I am going to the 10th Anniversary celebration of Oprah’s O Magazine in NYC in May and I’m taking my daughter…again, covering two priorities at once…actually three priorities because I’m sure I’ll blog all about it.)

There was a wish list too, but I’m not even going there. The inventory is too full already. I think during the next two years I need to do more shifting and shaking out of my priority list. I better get to sleep soon.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I count sleep as a double priority – health and relaxation?

Judi

April Fools Flood

Posted on April 6, 2010 by Judi

“Don’t get excited mom,” said my son D last Thursday afternoon when he called on April 1st, “but there are two inches of water in our basement.” First, I thought perhaps my son D was playing an April Fools joke on me. Unfortunately, my flooded basement was not a joke.

Ready for Battle
I didn’t cry. I didn’t scream. I didn’t jump up and down. Nope, instead I called the contractor who did the work on my foundation. He wasn’t in the office. Next, I called the contractor who installed my original sump pump. He wasn’t in the office either. Then, I tried the electrician. He told me to go home and check the circuit breaker to see if the sump pump was working and if it wasn’t working to call him back and he would give me the name of a plumber. (I was so proud of myself for being so resourceful.)

After stopping at Home Depot to purchase a Utility Pump ( in case I had to pump out the water myself) I arrived home to see what damage had been done. I put on my red rain boots and tiptoed down the steps. I felt like a big kid slushing around in a big puddle of water. Uh oh, time to call the plumber.

Thankfully, the nice plumber R arrived an hour later and installed a new sump pump. So did the fire department, who was also ready and willing to pump out my basement (my son’s hairdresser had suggested we call the fire department…who would have thought the local fire department would do such a job and who would have thought my son would have been so resourceful to ask his hairdresser for flood advice?)

Away We Go
Within a few minutes, the new sump pump had pumped gallons of water out of the basement, leaving about an inch left for wet vac work as well as a whole lot of damaged goods. I always knew I eventually was going to clean out my basement, but I never thought I would be doing it after a flood. Since almost everything was wet, it made it easy to decide what would stay and what would go.

I threw out the VCR tapes that I had been saving for my future grandchildren…tapes of “Beauty and the Beast” and “The Little Mermaid” that I had watched over and over and over again when my kids were young. It’s likely my future grandchildren will have their own iPad to watch these Disney Classics. (I also threw out my “Abs of Steel” tape…don’t think I’ll need abs of steel during the second half of my life.)

I threw out my son’s bar mitzvah poster that all the guests had signed almost seven years ago. The signatures were all smudged.

I threw out copies of my first public relations campaigns that I had created when I started my career. No need to keep these hard copies anymore. It’s likely I have everything I need for my future career on my computer.

Distressing Not Dangerous
I thought about what my former therapist C would have said to me if she were in this situation. She likely would have told me that it was ‘distressing but not dangerous’…and she would have been correct. It definitely had been a very distressing afternoon, but luckily, it had not been dangerous. I had managed with the help of my son D and boyfriend L, to empty out my basement of all the damaged goods. Tomorrow evening I will put the damaged goods out for garbage collection.

Today, the Gutter Guys arrived early to install new gutters on the back of my house. I also went to the mall to do some heavy duty retail therapy to get over my distressing April Fools afternoon. My house is all ready for the April showers that are sure to come this month. And so am I. I bought a new trendy trench coat. As for those April showers…let it rain, let it rain, let it rain. Hopefully this time, April showers will bring May flowers. If not, I think I’m going to do more retail therapy and get a new pair of rain boots.

Judi